The Horror, Oh, The Horror!

I have a pitch for a horror movie targeted at a very specific audience.

This audience would be parents, approaching or just past 40, with their youngest child almost out of diapers/ready to start school.

Title: "The Stick"

Secondary Title: Based on a true story...

{We open on a well-furnished, spacious bedroom. The room is cluttered with books, magazines, and children's toys. The camera pans across the room, and we notice a brown-haired lump under one side of the bed covers, breathing peacefully. The other half of the bed is empty. Dissolve to exterior shot, day, with husband, wife, and two small children outside playing in the grass.}

Woman: I've got the last of little Janey's baby clothes all bagged up. I'll take them by the charity bin tonight.

Man: That's good. I've got all of the swings and things ready for the church garage sale.

Woman: It will be great to finally clear out all of this clutter.

Man: Imagine, by this time next year, we won't have any more diapers in the house.

Woman: And in two years, we'll only have one in day care. Imagine what we can do with that money!

Man: We can pay off the house faster, that's for sure.

Woman: Maybe we can take that cruise you wanted to go on.

Man: Or that trip to England you're always talking about.

Woman: Why not? When the kids are old enough to appreciate it, that would be great.

Man: One boy, one girl. Things are just perfect, aren't they?

Woman: I can finally get my Master's degree! {She sighs and settles back into the grass.}


{Dissolve back to the previous interior, where we now recognize the man from the previous scene as the contented lump under the covers. The camera moves into the bathroom, where a fuzzy-haired woman we also recognize from the previous scene peers owlishly at a slender white object in her right hand.}

Woman: Come on, come on!

{Close-up on the woman's face, the shot focuses finally on her eyes. They grow wide, and she screams wildly. The camera pans to the object in her hand, which has two pronounced pink lines in the middle.}

Title card: THE STICK!

Terrifying, isn't it?

(Disclaimer: this is based on a true story, but mine had a very different ending this morning. I didn't think one line and "Yippee!" made for a great ending, horror-wise.)

(I'm not pregnant.)