Reading comments on news stories posted online is almost always a mistake. To spare all of my readers the agony of actually doing this, I am going to simulate a news story and the comments that follow. (The following news story and comments that follow are simulated.)
NEW YORK: Lady Gaga arrived for a meeting at the United Nations today wearing nothing but two strategically placed live squirrels. Fifteen minutes later, in what she called a "shocking coincidence," Christina Aguilera entered the United Airlines terminal at LaGuardia Airport wearing fourteen drugged hamsters. Animal rights groups have called for a boycott of both artists in the name of decency to all animals. When contacted for a comment, Madonna gently pointed out in a semi-British accent that she has been wearing rodents on various parts of her person since 1987. Lady Gaga has since apologized for the incident, which she calls a "misstep," and promises that, with help from her fans, she will get through this. Christina Aguilera has repeatedly contacted us to give a response, but, frankly, we didn't want to call her back.
Feel free to leave a comment! (Comments that are offensive to Shirley, our receptionist, will be deleted, but since she leaves at 3:00 on Fridays, it might take a while.)
Alice_Cullen_Is_Me says: First!!!!
RonaldMcD says: lady gaga u rok i luv u
Helen1934 says: In my day, these women would have been shot and stuffed to teach other young girls a lesson. This country is headed for disaster. Obama wasn't even born here.
TwiHard73 says: First!!!
MickeyMousePants says: @Helen1934: Please stop spreading such ignorance. Obama was born in the US, he is our president, get over it.
RushIsRight says: Yet another example of how the liberal culture of this country is destroying the moral fiber of our families. You didn't see this kind of stuff when Bush was president.
LadyHaHa says: I love Lady Gaga, but she shouldn't of done that. That was straight up nasty.
Helen1934 says: This is America. I have freedom of speech. I can say that Obama was born on the moon in a secret communist cave if I want. Liberals always talk about freedom of speech unless you say something they disagree with. Hypocrites.
Tool_Fan says: What does Obama have to do with ths at all? Christina Aguilera is pathetic.
RushIsRight says: Lady Gaga is a weapon the Obama administration has unleashed upon all of us to turn our children in to hedonistic secular liberals.
MickeyMousePants says: @Helen1934: Of course you have freedom of speech. It doesn't mean what you are saying is true, and I am free to point that out. How is that hypocritical? @RushIsRight: I'm pretty sure Lady Gaga isn't working for the government.
MrsEdwardCullen says: LADY GAGA I LOVE YOU I WANT TO MEET YOU I MET A NEW MAN IN JUST THIRTY MINUTES WHEN I TRIED THIS AMAZING WEBSITE WHERE ALL OF THE BEST BALD OR BALDING LADIES CAN MEET THE MAN OF THEIR DREAMS
DimitriIsMyName says: How would you even wear a hamster?
StephenieMeyerFan23 says: First!!!!
ShaBoom says: Who cares about this? Why do newspapers even cover celebrities like this? There is real news in the world, and anyone who cares about junk like this is part of the problem.
Perezey2101 says: So why are you reading it and commenting on it, @ShaBoom?
Helen1934 says: Hypocrite!
RushIsRight says: Seriously, either get in the debate or get out.
NOBAMA says: Sarah Palin 2012!!!
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