Beware The Coolguy

I was minding my own business in church last week, talking to Momz, playing with the kids, waiting for church to start (I was early, for once), when he approached me.

Brother Coolguy.

He sat in the empty pew ahead of us, turned his ironic-yet-somehow-mournful gaze on me, and I knew he was going to ask me something.

In our church, when a member of the Bishopric wants to talk to you, it's never just to chat. They don't want to know how the weather was when you left the house, or if you caught last week's "Lost." It's going to be something else. Something...scary.

So when Brother Coolguy said, "Could you say the closing prayer today?" I said, "Sure!" because I was so relieved it was nothing more, failing to remember that I had never, EVER given the prayer in Sacrament Meeting before, and I have a distressing tendency to pray for silly things when I'm nervous. ("Please bless Princess, that she will stop using "poop" as her default answer to everything.")

I should have known it wouldn't be that easy. Again pulling his patented "fake-out," Brother Coolguy rose from the pew saying, "And I need to talk to you after the meeting, for just a second."

Whaaaa???

Didn't I just get a new calling? (Second counselor in the Primary presidency.) (Primary is our organization for children 18 months-12 years.) (We have a president, who has two counselors, who kind of run the show, help teachers with problems, teach large group lessons, etc.) What could Brother Coolguy be asking?

Wednesday night, I found out.

The talk.

I have to give a talk.

I am not the strongest choice for church speaker. I tend to get very emotional when I'm talking about spiritual things. And it's not emotional in the beautiful, Brooke-Shields-is-dying-but-her-mascara-looks-fabulous way; I'm talking about ugly, honking-into-a-burp-cloth-because-I-forgot-my-kleenex, snuffling, awkward, wet emotional. So my talks tend to either be entertaining but totally not spiritual, or spiritual but incoherent.

It remains to be seen what this week's talk will be. I've gotten it mostly written, I'm about to time it and see if I've got my 10-12 minutes done. Either way, be thinking of me Sunday morning at 9:15.

I'll bring the Kleenex.

Princess Quote of the Day

Scene: Princess' room, 6:45 a.m.

Players: Princess (3) & Mommy (94)

Background: Princess wants to wear dresses to school every day. Princess also likes to climb on the playground and tackle the boys, flaunting her green-and-pink striped panties for all to see. Mommy has decided that we need to talk about MODESTY.

{scene}

Mommy: Princess, I think we need to put on some shorts with this dress.

Princess: NO NO NO NO NO I DON'T LIKE SHORTS I LIKE DRESSES WAAAAHHH!

Mommy: Princess, calm down.

{5 minutes later}

Mommy: Princess, when you run and play outside, people can see your panties.

Princess: They can see my panties?

Mommy: Yes, and that's bad. We need to be modest.

Princess: Modest? What is modest?

Mommy: Modest means that we don't let people see our panties, or our boobies, or our private places. Just Mommy and Daddy, when we're helping you get dressed or giving you a bath.

Princess: I'm a good girl. {thinks} What about tights? Can I wear tights so no one can see my panties?

Mommy: Okay.

{Daddy enters}

Princess: Daddy, Mommy told me I have to be modest.

Daddy: What does that mean?

Princess: It means you can't...I'm not supposed to...people shouldn't...don't look at my butt!

{scene}

Morning Person: A Photo Essay

Sven and I are complete opposites when it comes to our daily rhythm.

I am a day person. This is me during the day:

This is me starting about 8:00 at night:

Sven is the total opposite. He really comes alive when the sun goes down:

But try and talk to him at 3:00 in the afternoon, and:

What is interesting to me is how our kids have inherited our tendencies.

Dexy: "A-ba! What's that! Bye-bye! Daddy!" (at 5:30 a.m., with a huge smile on his face.)

"Is it naptime yet?" (at 9:30 a.m., spent)

Princess: "No, Mommy! I'm trying to sleep!" (at 8:00 a.m., after Dexy and I have been up for two and 1/2 hours)

"Mommy, we can't go to bed yet!" (at 10:00 p.m., after I'm a wizened skeleton trying to pass as human and Sven has gone fishing)

How wondrous is the parenting experience...