Monday, January 19, 2009

Inside the Actor's Studio: The Imaginary Interview

Imaginary James Lipton: Good evening, and welcome to tonight's imaginary edition of "Inside the Actor's Studio."  Our guest tonight has made imaginary history, becoming the first artist in history to receive the Oscar, the Tony, the Grammy, the People's Choice, the SAG, the Golden Globe, and the Critic's Choice award in a single year.

Imaginary students cheer wildly

IJL: She has accomplished all of this while remaining a devoted wife and mother, as well as publishing three best-selling novels.  Truly, the Actor's Studio is honored to welcome tonight's distinguished guest, Deb Amazing Pants.

Standing ovation.  Deb enters, blushing modestly at the acclaim.  She embraces Lipton and sits, motioning the still-cheering audience to quiet.  Eventually, they do.

IJL: Welcome, Deb.  It is an honor to have you here.

Deb: No, please, it's my pleasure.

IJL: What an amazing year you have had.  Tell me: among all of the honors and accolades, what stands out the most?

Deb: I believe it was the personal triumphs I experienced.  I think personal achievement trumps professional accomplishment any day.

IJL: Can you tell us what triumph you're thinking of?

Deb:  Oh, I don't know... George Clooney proposed to me after we wrapped our last film together, and I found that to be very validating.

IJL: What did you say?

Deb: Oh, I let him down gently, of course.  I'm very happily married, but George is a great guy, I'm sure he'll find the right girl.

IJL: Indeed, he must have been heartbroken.

Deb: Well, you snooze, you lose.

IJL: You are delightful and a breath of fresh air.

Deb: Back atcha.

IJL: If I may ask about your process: how do you establish a character?

Deb: The truth is, James, acting is just pretending.  The secret is, I pretend to be another person, and then say whatever the script says.

IJL: Brilliant!

Students applaud wildly

IJL: We'll conclude with the question I ask everyone on this show: if heaven exists, what do you want God to say, when you arrive?

Deb: You'll be skinny forever, here are the cupcakes.

Students applaud wildly, some spontaneously combusting.



Kristina P. said...

This is the best episode I have ever seen! Even better than the Angelina one!

Barbaloot said...

You'll be skinny forever-here are the cupcakes. I love that and I love you. Hilarious.

Jill (Sneaky Momma) said...

This is great, Deb!

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Inside the Actor's Studio Guild is one of my most favorite shows, Deb. I have to tell you, though, that because I am such a huge fan, I will be expecting a follow-up to this post. Any interview worth its salt with James Lipton MUST answer his infamous 10 questions:

1) What is your favorite word?
2) What is your least favorite word?
3) What turns you on?
4) What turns you off?
5) What is your favorite curse word?
6) What sound or noise do you love?
7) What sound or noise do you hate?
8) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9) What profession would you not like to attempt?
10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Note: Numbers 5 and 10 are my favorite!


3 Bay B Chicks said...

You know what would be fun? I should interview you for a post...act like James Lipton and have you answer his ten questions and then some.

Just a thought...

Nana said...

Bravo, Bravo, I'm throwing roses on the stage. That is what I want God to say to me.

Debbie said...

Cupcakes and skinniness! That is a great promise.

That Girl in Brazil said...


Pure awesome-ness.

Yes, that's a word.

Mary said...

Love It! You will be skinny forever here are the cupcakes!