Imaginary students cheer wildly
IJL: She has accomplished all of this while remaining a devoted wife and mother, as well as publishing three best-selling novels. Truly, the Actor's Studio is honored to welcome tonight's distinguished guest, Deb Amazing Pants.
Standing ovation. Deb enters, blushing modestly at the acclaim. She embraces Lipton and sits, motioning the still-cheering audience to quiet. Eventually, they do.
IJL: Welcome, Deb. It is an honor to have you here.
Deb: No, please, it's my pleasure.
IJL: What an amazing year you have had. Tell me: among all of the honors and accolades, what stands out the most?
Deb: I believe it was the personal triumphs I experienced. I think personal achievement trumps professional accomplishment any day.
IJL: Can you tell us what triumph you're thinking of?
Deb: Oh, I don't know... George Clooney proposed to me after we wrapped our last film together, and I found that to be very validating.
IJL: What did you say?
Deb: Oh, I let him down gently, of course. I'm very happily married, but George is a great guy, I'm sure he'll find the right girl.
IJL: Indeed, he must have been heartbroken.
Deb: Well, you snooze, you lose.
IJL: You are delightful and a breath of fresh air.
Deb: Back atcha.
IJL: If I may ask about your process: how do you establish a character?
Deb: The truth is, James, acting is just pretending. The secret is, I pretend to be another person, and then say whatever the script says.
Students applaud wildly
IJL: We'll conclude with the question I ask everyone on this show: if heaven exists, what do you want God to say, when you arrive?
Deb: You'll be skinny forever, here are the cupcakes.
Students applaud wildly, some spontaneously combusting.