Thursday, December 11, 2008

It's just a crush!

As a married lady, I have to be very careful about managing my crushes. I don't have "romantic" crushes per se, but I have some very specific crushes that have endured with me for a while.

My Gay Uncle Crush: Tim Gunn

As someone with four extremely wonderful, typical, avuncular uncles (I have two Uncle Johns, an uncle Ernie, and an Uncle Jim), I am in desperate need of a witty and fabulous gay uncle.  My gay uncle would be confidant, comforter, cheerleader, and gossip partner.  Tim would fit this description nicely by using impeccable vocabulary, watching the Oscars with me, and buying my children coordinating outfits. We would lunch together once a month (with him, I could use "lunch" as a verb) and he would encourage me to order salad, then split a rich dessert, assuring me that I had earned it.

My Fictional Character Crush, Book -and- My Fictional Character Crush, Movie:

The Cullens.

All of them. But especially Edward. But, all of them. My Fictional Crushes allow me to believe, for a moment, that I am a waifish, delicate flower of a lady who must be protected at all times from the evil forces that find me, as they do, irresistable. Then my toddler vomits on me, and my Fictional Crushes don't mind it at all, they claim it makes me more adorable.

My Fake Interview Crush: Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

Jon and I would enjoy witty repartee when I visit to plug my new novel, or album, whichever. He would delve into my unique political views, admitting that his were, perhaps, a bit simplistic. However, we would be great friends and I would evenutally share a segment with John Hodgman, who would then invite me to be in the next Mac ad campaign.

It's a hard life, here in my head, but I like it.

Coming soon: My HOB Fantasy Boy Crush, my Comedy Writing Team Crush...

Leave your own crushes in the comment section!!  It's loads of non-adulterous fun!

Snow day 2008!

It is sort of a snow day today- last night's snow stuck around, it looks like we got between 2 and 3 inches.  We don't really have a "snow day," though- we have a "snow morning."  We don't have to be to work until 9, students won't be there until 10.  It feels like a snow day right now, with the kids eating Pop-Tarts in front of Sponge Bob, leaving chocolate handprints everywhere.

Here is Deb Jr., my 3-year-old daughter, playing in the snow last night.  She added mittens later, then discarded them.  The hat is her daddy's, in case anyone is wondering.  it was the only one she would keep on her head.

Here is Deb Jr.'s snowman.  It is sitting on the stump of the tree we lost in Hurricane Ike.  I think it is wonderful that we can now use it for such a noble purpose.  The snowman's name is Frosty, and, according to D.J., he is a jolly, happy soul, with corn, and a butt, and two eyes.  Or something like that.

I know it won't last; by the time we leave to take the kids to day care, the snow will be gone.  It has been great while it lasted, though, and I hope D.J. remembers last night for a long, long time.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

An actual conversation

I hadn't intended to do another blog entry, but I had to write this down...

This evening, I was sitting on the couch with my son, age 1, tucked in my left arm and my daughter, age 3, tucked in my right.  (They each had birthdays in the last week or so, so these are their brand-new ages.)  We were all snuggled into the couch, warm and cozy, when I realize that my daughter is, to use the vernacular, honking my boob.

"Honey," I said.  "Don't honk Mommy's boobie."

Here is her actual reply:

"No, we shouldn't honk Mommy's boobies.  Why don't I honk my own boobies?  Oh yeah, I forgot.  I don't have boobies."

I can't wait to see how she does in Primary...

Let it snow, okay?

In other parts of the world, cold weather this time of year is normal.

Here in Southeast Texas, "cold" has a different meaning.  We generally begin to don jackets when the daytime high is in the 60's, a high in the 50's calls for more serious layering, and we seriously consider canceling appointments, schools, and garbage pickup for anything colder.

Hence, the madness that is today.  An "arctic blast" has been assaulting us all day.  This morning, when I left, I was promised that the rain would let up and the high temperature would get into the 40's.  Excuse me as I laugh bitterly, looking out my window to the ice accumulating on my cactus.

It seems now that the "high" today was in the mid-thirties.  We have had rain, off and on, all day, but now the rain is making ominous ticking sounds that can only mean one thing: really cold rain. 

Don't mind me.  I'm just crabby.  Today I found out that I have a new nickname, given to me by my fourth grade students.  Mrs. Witch.  Nice, huh?  I must be doing something right...

Update at 8:10 p.m. Wednesday night: It is snowing, and the snow appears to be sticking!  My husband has the 3-year-old outside now taking pictures, it is her first snow.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Why are you messing with a good thing?

I heard on the news this morning that "New Moon," the sequel to the best movie ever made, "Twilight," will continue through its production with a new director.

The story I heard was that Catherine Hardwicke, who directed "Twilight," wanted more time in pre-production than the studio, looking for a release in late 2009/early 2010, wanted to give.

To some extent, I understand their thinking. "Twilight" is such a phenomenon that it almost doesn't matter who directs it, right? The Twilight fans will see it, whether it is terrible or wonderful. And, no matter how wonderful the movie is, it will not satisfy the most die-hard Twilight fans, who will see it repeatedly only to memorize the flaws.

Which reminds me: I get it. I know what it's like to see a beloved book adapted into a movie, miniseries, or (heaven forfend) a TV movie. What die-hard fans often forget is, a movie is not a book. You cannot adapt a book line-for-line into a movie. Some of the BBC adaptations come close, but they last in the neighborhood of 6 hours and consist mostly of British people having conversations. You see the flaws right there. Twilight fans should stop moaning that Bella's shirt wasn't blue and Edward's couch wasn't black leather when she saw his room for the first time. It's a different work of art than the book, okay? They are going to take some liberties. Read some of your favorite lines aloud, and imagine how dumb they would sound in actual conversation, and you'll get my point.

That being said, I'm a little nervous about "New Moon." There is precious little Edward, which means much less face time with my beloved Rob. There is way too much Bella, so Kristen needs to learn to stop spluttering. And Jacob...the director needs to remember that Jacob is a complete jerk, but some girls prefer him to Edward, so figure that one out, okay? Because I can't. At all. Alice must be amazing, but Alice was awesome in "Twilight," so that's okay...

So, "New Moon" is, in a sense, doomed to spectacular success no matter how bad it is. Still, for perspective, the Harry Potter movies have had several different directors who have taken each movie in a different direction. Maybe that will happen here...I hope.