Sunday, May 2, 2010

Who Disgusts Me More?

And now, it's time for America's newest sensation:





Today, we're looking at CELEBRITY MISTRESSES!  Yes, the latest trend in the world of celebrity is for a seemingly intelligent, successful man to have a series of relationships with increasingly sleazy women and cover them up with such ineptitude that we have trouble believing they are capable of tying their shoes, let alone playing a round of golf.

Our first contestant in WHO DISGUSTS ME MORE is the one who really started it all... RIELLE HUNTER!

Yes, Rielle kicked off this latest round of unscrupulous women by having an affair with politician John Edwards.   Hunter had an affair (and a love child) with Edwards, who, until then, seemed to have a fairly good shot at the vice-presidential nomination.

Did I mention John Edwards' wife, Elizabeth, was recovering from cancer at the time?  When he had the affair?  And the child?  But she was in remission, as Mr. Edwards pointed out in his own defense.  I mean, he's not a monster.

Rielle reached new lows last week on the Oprah show, where we learn everything.  I offer, for your consideration, the following information:

  • Ms. Hunter insisted that having an affair with Mr. Edwards was not wrong because he was, "available."  I assume she meant this in a metaphysical sense, since he was very much married.
  • She defended her actions as "living [our] truth."  When Oprah, delving deep into her soul to attempt to find a question that could possibly coerce this woman into saying something that didn't sound like it originated with The Love Guru, countered with, "What do you do when your truth hurts others?" there was no real answer.
  • When asked if she knew whether or not her actions had hurt Elizabeth Edwards, Ms. Hunter answered, "You'd have to ask her."  Nice.
Certainly, Rielle will be tough to beat.  Fortunately, I'm about to drop a bombshell on all of you.

No, that's not my Christmas card from my senior year of college, that's Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, the woman who broke the news to all of us that Jesse James wasn't Sandra Bullock's Prince Charming.   Upon first glance, it is easy to dismiss Bombshell as just another heavily-tattooed, Nazi-sympathizing, fetish-modelling lady about town, but there's more to it.  Consider these statements from Bombshell's various interviews: (From ABC News)

  • "I feel bad for Sandra," the heavily tattooed model and stripper said on Australia's "Today Tonight" Monday. "I know what she's going through. She must be hurt, devastated, upset, embarrassed."
  • Asked what she'd say to Bullock, McGee replied, "I want to give her a heartfelt apology. Sandra, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your embarrassment. I'm sorry all of this is public."
I am absolutely not prepared to say whether or not I believe this is sincere.  It may be, it may not be.  Her sincerity isn't important.  What's important is this: 
Please, do not misunderstand me.  I believe the person most at fault in all of these situations is the men.  The men are the ones who broke their wedding vows.  The men are the ones who chose to lie to their wives and sustain relationships outside of their marriage.  I don't blame the women for the situation.
That being said, to say that the women bear no responsibility, as Rielle Hunter seems to, is ludicrous.  If you are working closely with a man you know to be married, you keep your distance until he is divorced, no matter how much you love and adore him.  Really.  At least Bombshell had the decency to say she thought Jesse and Sandra were separated.  Bombshell, tattoos and all, knows that YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF IF YOU GET INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN!  Of course, taking it to the media isn't exactly evidence of shame, and I never said I believe she is completely sincere, but at least she has the decency to pretend.  Rielle's very honesty is what disgusts me: she honestly seems to believe that her affair with a married man (and let's not forget the love child!) is not her problem.
So, congratulations, Rielle!  You are the winner!

You so don't want to know what the prize is.