(Cue dream sequence music and squiggle blurs)
Cast: Handsome Man, Pretty Woman, Male Bully, Quirky Friend, Benevolent Mentor, Cute Kid
Scene: A tropical island
Pretty Woman: I'm so happy that we're in love and getting married, Male Bully! Because you're so handsome, and I'm so shallow, we're the perfect pair.
Male Bully: Agreed. But we need to watch out for the alien attack that's going to come. I may need to kiss you intensely then run off to my plane or boat or whatever to attack something.
Pretty Woman: Kiss me!
Handsome Man: Ahem.
Pretty Woman: Oh, it's you, Handsome Man who is my platonic friend and nothing else!
Handsome Man: Hey.
Pretty Woman: You're coming to the wedding, right? My wedding, in which I marry Male Bully, whom I love deeply and honestly?
Handsome Man: Whatever.
(Scene 2: Pretty Woman's Kitchen)
Pretty Woman: I know I love Male Bully honestly and deeply, but I can't stop thinking about Handsome Man.
Quirky Friend: Girl, you know you love him!
Pretty Woman: No, he's just my perfect and everlasting friend!
Quirky Friend: Let's dance! (They begin to dance around the table, whirling dishcloths.)
Scene 3: A bar
Handsome Man: How do I do it, Benevolent Mentor? How do I let her know I'm the one?
Benevolent Mentor: Tell her how you feel.
Handsome Man: But what if she rejects me? I can't take that kind of rejection.
Benevolent Mentor: Another beer, please, I can't take much more of this.
Male Bully: Hey, bro! You're my fiancee's best friend, but I'm confiding in you that I cheat on her. Now I'm going to punch you.
Handsome Man: Ow.
Killer Cheerleader: I'LL GET YOU!
Benevolent Mentor: Wrong set, Lifetime is next door.
Killer Cheerleader: Oh.
Male Bully: How YOU doin?
Scene 4: The Wedding
Generic Cleric: And do you, Male Bully, take Pretty Woman to be your wedded wife?
Male Bully: Oh yeah.
Best Man: You know it! (High five.)
Generic Cleric: And do you, Pretty Woman, take-
Handsome Man: STOP!
Pretty Woman: Handsome Man, what are you doing?
Handsome Man: You can't marry him. I love you. Marry me.
Male Bully: Oh, you are TOAST!
Best Man: You know it! (High five)
Pretty Woman: (Punch)
Male Bully: Ow.
Handsome Man: Can you marry us, Father?
Generic Cleric: Whatever.
Cute Kid: Here we go again!
(Soundtrack plays "I Feel Good" by James Brown as credits roll.)