Yes, readers, now you can finally answer the question: "Am I a Sven? Or more of a Princess?" Take the following quiz and find out! (Instructions for scoring follow.)
1. You see someone walking in a strange manner. This person is gyrating, popping out the pelvis, twisting one foot, and visibly flexing muscles of the derriere. Additionally, you notice this person is wearing a thoughtful, serious expression, similar to the one usually seen on the faces of monkeys who are scratching themselves on personal regions. You:
A. Laugh uproariously and point fingers at the person.
B. Exclaim, "You peed your pants!" while laughing uproariously and pointing fingers at this person.
C. Look confused and say, "What's going on?"
D. Realize you are looking in a mirror and immediately stop once the hurtful laughter of your "family" permeates your preoccupation with trying to "pop" your hip.
2. It's been a very long day, and it's time for dinner. You have nothing on hand to prepare. You:
A. Say, "What do you want for dinner? I'll go get it."
B. Whine loudly, "I'm hungry!"
C. Suck your thumb and pull your mommy's hair
D. Sneak a sugar-free peanut butter cup when no one else is looking.
3. You have a three-day weekend. You:
A. Decide on the spur of the moment to take the family on a mini-vacation.
B. Get up at the crack of dawn because it's going to be an extra fun day, and you can't waste a single minute.
C. Get up at the crack of dawn because you lost Woody's hat and Buzz Lightyear's wings are broken again.
D. Dream of the day you can sleep past 5 a.m. while washing enough clothes to get you through your "fun" vacation.
4. You feel hungry. Time for a snack. You choose:
A. Whatever's handy, you're not picky.
B. Whatever you just ran out of, nothing else will do!
C. Cheese, in any form.
D. Potato chips and shame.
5. You want to do something special to show those around you that you care. You:
A. Refrain from passing gas in a noisy, visible cloud until your beloved has given a reliable indication that she is asleep, then feign unconsciousness when she turns her lovely, accusing eyes in your direction.
B. Bring armfuls of stuffed dogs to watch over your loved ones while they sleep, write, cook, or bathe.
C. Bestow moist, semi-open-mouthed kisses upon them and proclaim, "I love you."
D. Write a blog post about their least endearing habits with enough wry humor to let everyone know that you really love them a whole lot.
If your answers are:
Mostly A's: You are a Sven.
Mostly B's: You are a Princess.
Mostly C's: You are a Dexy.
Mostly D's: You are perfect.
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