It's a novel. 95,000 words, in its current revision. I've been working hard on it for about a year, based on an idea and outline I started about ten years ago. I'm really proud of it, which means I'm very sensitive about it. Right now I'm very torn: I desperately want people to read it, because I want someone else's opinion about it, but I'm terrified to have anyone read it, because then I would have someone's opinion about it.
What if it's no good?
What if everybody thinks it's just a rip-off of Twilight? It's not, but I'm realistic: it deals with the supernatural, including vampires. I flatter myself that I've put a truly nerdy spin on it: D&D aficionados, should they tear themselves away from their Tolkein, will be pleased.
What if they read it, and I see the "poor Deb, don't hurt her feelings" look in their eyes?
Let me tell you: whenever you are having a crisis of self-esteem, turn to the entertainment industry. I can't tell you how I have been affected by the deluge of responses I have received from the literary establishment.
Phrases like, "didn't capture my interest," "not what we're looking for," and "parakeet-cage lining" have cropped up surprisingly often.
Okay, not the last one. But the others, yes. They are all very polite. They all wish me all the luck in the world. They all tell me they hope I find representation. I understand, from what I read, that even receiving responses to e-mail queries is somewhat rare, so maybe I should be flattered by their rejection.
I'm not feeling it.
The unexpected side effect: I'm finding, as each rejection comes in, I no longer care as much. I'm starting another book, a spin-off of the first, centering around one of the characters in the first book, and I'm getting excited about that. I'm thinking I'll give it another couple of tries, send out a couple more batches of queries, and then I'll just put the darned thing on Amazon, and self-publish. I am not interested in spending the rest of my life in an endless cycle of hope and rejection. After all, some of my family members, and maybe one or two of my friends might buy a copy. That would be neat.
I promise I won't hold it against you if you don't buy one. Much.
Edited to add, after reading your comments: See the top link on my right sidebar for my new book blog. I will begin publishing installments, if you guys want to read it.