Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Fly On The Wall

CHAIRMAN: Order, come to order, please. This meeting will now come to order.

TABLE AT LARGE: Mumble, rhubarb, rackin, ahem, achoo.

CHAIRMAN: Thank you. As you know, we're here to discuss this "Swine Flu" everyone's been in such an uproar-

PORK MAN: I OBJECT! Who decided to name this "Swine Flu?"

BEEF MAN: (smirking) The guy who caught it from his pig, probably. (Elbows the POULTRY MAN, and they chortle until a glare from the CHAIRMAN silences them.)

CHAIRMAN: Pork Man, your objection is noted. He has a fair point, people. It's transmitting from human to human, now. I mean, my neighbor caught it from a street performer named Stain, but we're not calling it "Stain Flu."

TABLE AT LARGE: Mumbles agreement.

CHAIRMAN: So, we need to come up with a name for this flu that won't offend anyone. Anyone have a suggestion?

SYCOPHANT 1: Why not name it after something lovable and popular, like The Jonas Brothers?

CHAIRMAN: Jo-Flu! I like it!

MICKEY MOUSE: I OBJECT! The Disney corporation will not tolerate its licensed trademark characters used in this way.

JOBROS: Hey, we're sitting right here.

MICKEY MOUSE: Quiet, you. You can't have the name, and that's that. And Miley Cyrus is right out, too.

CHAIRMAN: All right, that's fine. What other names can we give it?

SYCOPHANT 2: The Barbie Flu?

BARBIE: I OBJECT!!

SYCOPHANT 3: The Iron Chef Flu?

IRON CHEF CHAIRMAN: (bites into yellow pepper) I OBJECT!

CHAIRMAN: How does he dub his own voice when he's sitting right here?

SYCOPHANT 4: R2D2 Flu?

GEORGE LUCAS: Why, you-

CHAIRMAN: Wait! You may be on to something. We'll give this flu a combination of numbers and letters in an order so random and arbitrary it won't offend anyone. Gentlemen, break out the nine-sided number die and the 26-sided alphabet die.

(Sound of dice rolling.)

CHAIRMAN: My dear colleagues, I'm pleased to announce that, from this point forward, Swine Flu will now be called "H1N1."

TABLE AT LARGE: Yay!

ALPHABET: I OBJECT!

NUMBER LINE: ME, TOO!

CHAIRMAN: Oy...

Fin.

6 comments:

Kristina P. said...

You totally crack me up! You should have a book. Maybe we can write one together.

Boy Mom said...

Too funny! I agree with Kristina P. You should have a book. Or maybe a Disney reality series, Mouse MD?

Barbaloot said...

Is beef man available?

Sneaky Momma said...

If you had a book, I'd buy it. You are such a talented writer!
Are you guys still in school?

Deb said...

We're still in school as of today. The rumor mill says that we have suspected cases on a couple of campuses. I have no idea what's going on, neither does anyone else. At least we're through with the testing.

Debbie said...

You are a riot! Loved this.