TABLE AT LARGE: Mumble, rhubarb, rackin, ahem, achoo.
CHAIRMAN: Thank you. As you know, we're here to discuss this "Swine Flu" everyone's been in such an uproar-
PORK MAN: I OBJECT! Who decided to name this "Swine Flu?"
BEEF MAN: (smirking) The guy who caught it from his pig, probably. (Elbows the POULTRY MAN, and they chortle until a glare from the CHAIRMAN silences them.)
CHAIRMAN: Pork Man, your objection is noted. He has a fair point, people. It's transmitting from human to human, now. I mean, my neighbor caught it from a street performer named Stain, but we're not calling it "Stain Flu."
TABLE AT LARGE: Mumbles agreement.
CHAIRMAN: So, we need to come up with a name for this flu that won't offend anyone. Anyone have a suggestion?
SYCOPHANT 1: Why not name it after something lovable and popular, like The Jonas Brothers?
CHAIRMAN: Jo-Flu! I like it!
MICKEY MOUSE: I OBJECT! The Disney corporation will not tolerate its licensed trademark characters used in this way.
JOBROS: Hey, we're sitting right here.
MICKEY MOUSE: Quiet, you. You can't have the name, and that's that. And Miley Cyrus is right out, too.
CHAIRMAN: All right, that's fine. What other names can we give it?
SYCOPHANT 2: The Barbie Flu?
BARBIE: I OBJECT!!
SYCOPHANT 3: The Iron Chef Flu?
IRON CHEF CHAIRMAN: (bites into yellow pepper) I OBJECT!
CHAIRMAN: How does he dub his own voice when he's sitting right here?
SYCOPHANT 4: R2D2 Flu?
GEORGE LUCAS: Why, you-
CHAIRMAN: Wait! You may be on to something. We'll give this flu a combination of numbers and letters in an order so random and arbitrary it won't offend anyone. Gentlemen, break out the nine-sided number die and the 26-sided alphabet die.
(Sound of dice rolling.)
CHAIRMAN: My dear colleagues, I'm pleased to announce that, from this point forward, Swine Flu will now be called "H1N1."
TABLE AT LARGE: Yay!
ALPHABET: I OBJECT!
NUMBER LINE: ME, TOO!