Last night's dream was vivid and disturbing enough for me to only hit the snooze button three times, so I could immediately reflect upon it. I won't go into detail (is there anything worse than someone who tries to "tell" a dream?) but I can sum up nicely:
In my dream, I was watching the final episode of "ER," in which real medical professionals pontificated at length about the changes in medical technology over the course of the show's 15-year run. That's not the disturbing part.
In my dream, I changed the channel, and found that Rupert Everett and Madonna had made a sequel to "The Next Best Thing." Does anybody remember that movie? I warn you right now, I'm going to totally spoil it, because it's old enough that anyone who wanted to see it would have done so by now, and it's awful.
In "The Next Best Thing," Madonna is a hip yoga instructor who lives with her gay BFF. She's in a relationship with someone whose name I can't recall, who may be in so few scenes because he's embarrassed. They break up, Madge goes to Rupert for consolation, they get drunk and spend the night together. This plot device was so plausible, it made me wonder if they were reading my diary!
Of course, as always happens when you've spent one drunken night with a gay man, she gets pregnant. They decide to raise the child (a boy) together, continuing to have their own romantic relationships on the side. This sounded like such a solid plan, I almost left the theater. However, to my stunned amazement, it didn't work.
Madge meets Benjamin Bratt and wants to marry him and move to the suburbs. She also drops the faux-British accent she's been affecting throughout the film, for valid reasons of character, I'm sure. Rupert vows to fight her for custody, and Madge reveals he's not the real father, it was the ex who dumped her at at the beginning.
YAWN! I mean, GASP! Who saw that one coming? They don't pay those writers enough.
The rest of the film shows the former BFF's progressively hating each other more, and there are courtroom scenes. Remember, it was billed as a comedy?
So my dream last night was that someone made a very lengthy sequel, and I caught the end.
The plot of the sequel: two words: suicide pact. But, it got me thinking...
Say it with me: Titanic II. Oh, yeah...
5 comments:
Um...hello? How did the first movie end? I'm totally on the edge of my seat. And since I abhor both Madonna and Rupert I'd rather not go and rent it...
Sorry about the nightmare, by the way. Yikes.
Wait, they made a SEQUEL!?!?!? How utterly horrible.
And what did you eat before bed?
Kristina:
No, there is no sequel, really. I dreamed that there was. I hope there isn't a sequel, really...
Barbaloot, I'll write the end for you, because no one should have to sit through it.
In the movie, Madge tells Rupert she's leaving with the child and moving somewhere with Benjamin Bratt, and he can't stop her because he isn't the child's father.
Rupert responds to this by tracking down her ex and tipping him off that he has a child with Madge. Madge is furious when her ex shows up demanding a paternity test, then sues for joint custody.
The ex wins at least visitation, and Madge and Bratt have to stay. Rupert, of course, has lost twice, because he's still lost the boy and also his best friend.
I think, though, at the end you see Madge bring the boy by to see Rupert, and although they don't talk, we're supposed to understand that because she's such a generous, loving person, she's decided to forgive him and allow him to see his son...
Horrible, awful film.
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