Gadgets Gone Wild (Clean Version)

We have a new vacuum cleaner.

After last week's adventure with bullets and glass, we needed one.

Our venerable bagless upright, alas, overdosed on large chunks of safety glass and died.

But check out my new machine: The Hoover Annihilator

(Actual name: Hoover Wind Tunnel Platinum. I like my name better.)

The Annihilator is such a cool machine, I haven't been allowed to use it yet. Sven is obsessed with annihilating the dirt, dust, and allergens from every flat surface in our home.

You see, the Annihilator has a feature that I have never heard of, but makes me believe that the land of the future promised to us by "The Jetsons" has arrived.

On the top of the roller-brush part, where the operator can easily look down and see it, is a small computer display. The display shows two words: "Dirty" (in red) or "Clean" (in peaceful soothing green). Fortunately, I had vacuumed the carpet in our living room that morning, so we could conduct a scientific test. Sven ran the new vacuum over our seemingly-clean floor. It said "Dirty" for about four swipes, then it said "Clean."

"Hmmm," Sven said. "Maybe it's programmed for number of swipes, with the angle calculated...hmmm." Then he turned it off.

The collection canister was full of dust, grime, and hair.

He has been vacuuming ever since. He just came downstairs and emptied the thing (again!) saying, "I don't know how it knows!"

I have to pause now, for Sven just gave me the following command: "Go smell our room." Who could resist an invitation like that?

I'm back. Our room smells great. It didn't stink before, but it honestly smells like a brand new carpet. Even the odor I convinced myself we were preserving as a memorial to our deceased cat, Incontinento, is gone.

I watch Sven with the vacuum and see a gleam in his eye that tells me he's not cleaning the house. He's conquering dust and odor, armed with his Hoover Annihilator of Doom, making the world fresh-smelling and allergen free for the oxygen-loving citizenry.

I can see the comic book now.

Gadgets

I love gadgets. Even as a small child, I loved pushing buttons. I remember being so disappointed that my toy typewriter only had one large button engraved with smaller buttons, so that touching one mashed down the whole thing. Cheap 1970's construction...

I digress. Gadgets make me very happy. This is something I have had some difficulty communicating to Sven, who believes that electronics make me happy. Not so, as he discovered the year he gave me a surround-sound speaker system for Christmas.

Yes, it was as romantic as it looks.

No, I don't love electronics. I love gadgets. Here are my requirements for a great gadget:

1. My gadget must be small enough to be held in the hand and carried in my purse. (My purse is pretty large, so this isn't much of a constraint.)

2. My gadget must have sufficient battery power to function on its own for a day or two.

3. My gadget must do something I never considered necessary until I saw the gadget.

4. The gadget must make one part of my life easier while making another more difficult.

My current favorite gadgets:

My Sony Ericsson phone, with walkman capability, rendered useless by my:

Purple iPod Nano. My iPod Nano has replaced almost every other gadget in my personal media arsenal: obviously, I no longer need my Discman, but I also no longer need my portable DVD player.

These are great gadgets. I don't know how I got along without the ability to receive wrong number calls while driving, or listening to The Ting Tings at a moment's notice.

These gadgets, though, pale in comparison to my new ultimate-item-I'm-coveting-but-will-never-get-until-it-is-obsolete:

The Kindle.

The Kindle is Amazon.com's wireless reader. Past generations of the kindle have been small but were a big enough hit that they could continue to improve upon them and render them obsolete, rewarding those early customers with the opportunity to drop another few hundred dollars on a better wireless reader. This one, the new generation Kindle DX, is the real deal. Look how thin it is!

This bad boy can handle something like 3,500 books, magazines, and/or newspapers. It also has a web browser and links wirelessly to a 3G network, so no need for WiFi or computer interface. You can buy books and download them to the Kindle without any additional hardware. Current bestselling titles average $9.99, older ones are even cheaper. An optional attachment (called the Starbucks Knob) dispenses foamy hot chocolate at the press of a button.

(Okay, I made that last one up. But wouldn't that be cool? And impossible?)

Imagine how wonderful this is for someone like me: I buy a ridiculous amount of books every year. With the Kindle, not only would I save money, I would be saving resources. Buying a Kindle would be my way of saving the earth. I know, it's selfless, but that's just how I'm made.

Sven, insisting on not seeing the forest for the trees, balks at the price of this gadget tailor-made for my lifestyle. I figure, at a paltry $489, it will pay for itself in just a few short decades. But Sven insists that since we're "schoolteachers" who make a relatively low "salary" we should live within our "means" and not spend "ridiculous" amounts of money on things that are "stupid." (You can supply your own air quotes, if you want. It's "fun!")

It's a shame, really. Summer is coming, the ideal time to test out a Kindle. We travel every summer and I'm always "forgetting" essentials like clothing to make room for the books I want to bring with me. Having a Kindle tucked away in my bag would mean I could have literally thousands of books tucked away and ready to access at any time.

So, Amazon.com, if you're reading this blog, I would be willing to accept a complimentary Kindle DX in order to test it and review it on this blog. Literally dozens of people could be influenced by a mere mention here!

Sorry, I meant "dozens." And "literally."