Friday, March 12, 2010

My Secret Blog Entries

One of the nice things about blogging, one of my prime defenses of it, you might say, is the catharsis that comes from writing about things.  Putting your thoughts or feelings down, particularly when things are careening around my brain.

If you ever read Stephen King's "Firestarter," you are familiar with the concept of "Ricochet."  In the book, Andy McGee, who participated in secret government drug tests in the 1960's, has the ability to "push" people into saying or doing things.  The talent is referred to as "mental domination."  There is a danger, though, that someone who has been "pushed" can develop a "ricochet," in which long-buried trauma, obsessions, or secrets emerge and begin careening around the person's brain until the person goes insane or worse.

I can relate.

I am a worrier.  When something bad happens to me, or to someone I know, I get upset about it.  I worry about it.  I get physically sick over it.  It goes, around and around in my brain, until I would do just about anything to forget about it.  Of course, over time it lessens, and eventually goes away.  It usually stays away, too, unless an almost identical problem pops up again.

One of the ways I cope with this is to write wordy, sometimes scathing blog entries in which I detail every single thing I could say if I was allowed to.  Then I delete the entry, so I can't go back over and obsess over it.  The ricochet now quieted, I can go back to my life.

Unfortunately, that is no longer working; the past two weeks have been that hard.  (Nothing huge, but just a lot of things happening at once.)  I'm feeling the need now to talk to an actual human being, an urge I almost never have.  Someone who will listen to me, provide some feedback about what is reasonable and what isn't, and give dispassionate, sensible advice with just a hint of caring.

Oprah, here I come.

6 comments:

Kristina P. said...

YOu should look into LDSFS. Counseling is seriously great. It's so nice to have someone there who is objective and who will listen to you.

Deb said...

Thanks for the suggestion! I was actually thinking about that...

Barbaloot said...

I wish you could go on Oprah. That would be the one time I'd tune in to her for sure:)

Hope things are okay. I'm glad to see you blogging still. I'm a little disallusioned with the blog world these days---but I still love to read your posts.

Boy Mom said...

Yikes, I'll be right over, I wish.

Feel free to email.

I'd be happy to talk. I'll even call Oprah for you.

Hope the weekend brings peace!

Hug.

Joanna said...

Cough, cough, ahem! Will I do?

Billy Bob Bambino Bombabious Baby the Third said...

Did you ever call Will? I'd be happy to spend some time...

LDSFS has a long waiting list here. Really. My waiting list is very short. I may not be trained but I'm available and I care...