Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Worsties

It's awards season time again, and, as I have documented in my blog over the past year, the only bad thing about awards shows is that there aren't enough of 'em for me!  I mean, with only the People's Choice, the Critic's Choice, the Screen Actor's Guild, the Golden Globes, the Independent Spirit Awards, the American Music awards, the Video Music Awards, the Country Music Awards, the Grammy's, the Emmy's, and the Oscars, I am in serious danger of having to make my own decisions regarding what is worth my time and attention.  This, people, is what causes outbreaks of cultural tumors like Jersey Shore.  It is a serious problem.

To combat this plague upon our society, I would like to propose my own award show, along the lines of the People's Choice, but instead of picking the best, we will pick the worst.  Fortunately, 2009 offered us an abundance of things to loathe, so this will be a real challenge.

The nominees for Worst Musical Trend are:
  1. Dollar signs in one's name instead of "s"
  2. Having Kanye guest on your album
  3. Singing a duet with a legend, which only highlights one's own shortcomings

The nominees for Worst Television Show are:
  1. Jersey Shore
  2. The Real Housewives of New Jersey
  3. The Real Housewives of the O.C.
  4. The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Winner:  All of us.

The nominees for Worst Human Being are:
  1. Carrie Prejean
  2. Donald Trump
  3. Perez Hilton
  4. The Kardashians
  5. Jon Gosselin
  6. Kate Gosselin
  7. Tiger Woods

As a result of a last-minute write in campaign

The nominees for Worst Corporate Mistake are:

[Nominations closed, this was a no-brainer.]

The nominees for Worst Award Show are:


The nominees for Worst Way to End This Entry are:

  1. My face-in-a-hole picture of me with Rob Pattinson
  2. A retelling of the time Momz was entertaining us at the mall with straws in her nose, then realized that she was in public and several people were openly staring at her.
  3. A lengthy description of Princess' latest escapades, in which I make it clear that she is the most gifted child in the world ever.
  4. At least until I get to Dexy, who is clearly equally gifted, as evidenced by his ability to appreciate the humor in flatulence, both his own and others'.

(Please feel free to leave me your suggestions for other categories and nominees!)


Boy Mom said...

Dexys' delight in flatulence was a tough nominee to overcome but Debs' face-in-the-hole with Rob Pattinson was the clear winner.

Kristina P. said...

All of those television shows would be on my best list.