Friday, May 15, 2009

Great Literature

I just finished what may possibly the best book ever written.





Yes, the classic British novel of the husband-hungry Bennet sisters has been infused with zombie mayhem.



You may not know it, but I love Pride and Prejudice. I didn't read it until I saw the BBC miniseries version, but I've been hooked ever since. I love the language, the characters, the way everyone seems to fit so neatly into his or her own little mold. One thing that I always felt was lacking, though, was martial arts action and grisly scenes of undead slaughter. I'm so happy to see what these additions have brought to this Austen classic.



The key to its success, of course, lies in the writing. Austen's original is there, "spiced" with the additional details that blend seamlessly in with the text we know and love. In fact, I can no longer remember whether Mr. Darcy was initially attracted to Elizabeth because of her "fine eyes" or her skill with the Chinese throwing star.

Of course, this has me thinking. To which of the books I've previously laughed, cried, or even snored my way through could zombies be added? The possibilities are limitless:

  • To Kill a Zombie: Harper Lee's classic novel, with the rabid dog scene replaced with a zombie.
  • Of Mice and Men and Zombies: I confess, in my version the zombies eat everyone on page 14. I hate this book.
  • Ethan Frome: No changes needed.
  • A Scarlett Letter (With Zombies!): Wouldn't Hester Prynne as a pre-feminist zombie hunter have played better?

If adding zombies to classic literature is popcorn, adulterating Pride and Prejudice with modern pop culture themes is the chemically generated "butter." I have a few ideas, based on my childhood loves...

  • Pride and Prejudice and Mrs. King: Elizabeth teams up with a 40-ish divorcee to catch the bad guys...and maybe a husband! (Special guest star: Gary Coleman)
  • Darcy & Hutch: When a drug dealer takes Starsky out of commission, Hutch finds his new partner, a stuffy Etonian with an overblown sense of social class. (Special guest star: Charo)
  • Gimme a Mate: The Bennets welcome their sassy new housekeeper, who teaches them a few things about life...and love! (Special guest star: Ray Parker, Jr.)
  • Longbourn: Things are quiet in this sleepy British village, until a Texas oilman with a large fortune and a love for the ladies makes an appearance. (Special guest star: Linda Evans)
  • The Bennet Bunch: After Mrs. Bennet's untimely demise, Mr. Bennet forms an alliance with a new widow named Carol with six children of her own! Fortunately, Alice helps keep them all in line. (Special guest star: Davy Jones)

It's gold, I tell you. Gold.

8 comments:

Kristina P. said...

You are so completely clever.

Deb said...

And I forgot to add Romeo & Juliet & Zombies. Mercutio gets a much bigger role in my version...

Kristina, thanks for the compliment. Coming from you it really means a lot.

Barbaloot said...

Yuck-Ethan Frome! That book was horrid. And I'm going to have nightmares tonight of that picture you posted!

Joanna said...

You've got to add Samuel Butler's "The Way of All Flesh"! Please! It writes itself. The dad is the killer zombie, the wimpy mom is the zombie slave and the heroic young son and his pal, the family friend, are the zombie hunters. (If you can't guess, I really didn't like this book.)

Sneaky Momma said...

Pack your bags and head for Hollywood! They'll hire you in an instant! :)
Have a wonderful weekend!

the domestic flunky said...

Completely hilarious... and timely. I swear this is how half of hollywood's movies came to be. Doesn't the new Katherine Heigle (or whatever)-Gerard "Mighty Fine" Butler movie look like a remake of Cerano with a gender twist? Of course, zombies would have been an even BETTER twist.

the domestic flunky said...

Completely hilarious... and timely. I swear this is how half of hollywood's movies came to be. Doesn't the new Katherine Heigle (or whatever)-Gerard "Mighty Fine" Butler movie look like a remake of Cerano with a gender twist? Of course, zombies would have been an even BETTER twist.

Boy Mom said...

Deb you are my heroine, I have read the first chapter of Pride and Prejudice almost as many times as the first chapter of the Book of Mormon.

I was thinking "Jane (Eyre) and the Zombie", finally, the real reason the wife was hidden in the attic.