Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Deb Battles the Universe: An Update

I have made previous mention of my battle with the Anti-Deb Forces in the Universe (ADFITU) regarding my New Year's resolutions. Although it has not yet been a full month, I must write to tell you all how the ADFITU have stepped up their campaign to get me. (When we last kept score, it was tied at 2-2.)

A few months ago, I witnessed a car accident. I wrote a witness report, mostly because the cars crashed directly in front of my car, and I couldn't move, anyway. I had forgotten all about it, until I received, via certified mail:

A subpoena. Really. I've been subpoenaed to testify, in front of a jury, about this little fender-bender that happened several months ago. Score: ADFITU 3, Deb 2.

It's not as if I really mind testifying, it just seems so silly. It really was quite a minor accident, both cars drove away on their own, and no one was hurt. I have no idea why anyone is taking this little matter to trial. The most logical conclusion I can come to is the ADFITU are out to get me. Well played.

Then, two days ago, my beloved Macbook refused to start. When I say "beloved," I mean it. My feelings for this computer border on the inappropriate. Anyway, when I try to start it up, I get the grey screen with the apple, it thinks for about two minutes, then it shuts down. I have nothing backed up, of course, because my computer isn't five months old yet, and I was going to get around to it. Silly me! I'll be taking it in this weekend, but I suspect that my $300 worth of music from iTunes and the 50,000 words worth of novel I had written will be gone. ADFITU 4, Deb 2

However, perhaps I can rescue a silver lining from this particular cloud? Maybe I can learn some lessons from this. I had, perhaps, become too dependent on my computer, often staying up late at night to write, missing sleep that I desperately need. I had reached a sticking place in my novel; perhaps losing all the work I had done is what I needed. I can go back and start over, keeping the things I like, but allowing the characters to take a new direction...I'll give myself half a point. ADFITU 4, Deb 2.5.

Even the subpoena can be a good thing. I'll get to miss work and not get docked for it. ADFITU 4, Deb 3.5.

What the ADFITU didn't anticipate was my exciting nomination to a very exclusive club: the North American Fishing Club. These people have obviously been watching me for years, as shown by this paragraph:

"Well, it's no secret among your friends and family that you are an outstanding fisherman. As someone who is passionately devoted to your pastime, you're exactly the kind of person our club is looking for."

It goes on to say things like, "Only serious anglers are nominated." Also, "It's not for fair weather fisherman." I certainly am not one of those.

Take that, ADFITU! Someone obviously appreciates me! What makes this letter all the more impressive is that, technically speaking, I'm not really a fisherman, in that I'm female and don't fish at all, but that is obviously beside the point. Having (of course) accepted membership in this club, I have brought the score between myself and the ADFITU to 4-4.5. I feel much, much better.


Barbaloot said...

ADFITU causes a car crash between strangers to get to you. That is so typical of them. Dang those anti forces!

Kristina P. said...

I'm thinking you need more nudity in your life.

rychelle said...

i love how the letter starts out "it's no secret to your friends and family...", but it's apparently a secret to yourself.

Christen said...

Hey... don't tell her I told you, but tomorrow is Deb's birthday. Please wish her a happy birthday tomorrow!!

Debbie said...

So sorry about the computer. There should really be a support group for people whose computers crash. So terrible. And congrats on the fishing award. What's next? Golf? Ice hockey?

Jill (Sneaky Momma) said...

Oh, Deb, that's just awful about your novel. Hopefully it will be recovered easily.
I have something for you over at my blog. Feel free to pick it up and pass it along!