Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Good News, Bad News

My beloved Aunt Astounding (I can't remember what I've called her before, but she rocks, love you!!) sends out a newsletter at the end of the year called "Good News, Bad News."  I love receiving it each December.  Today I'm publishing my own version of Good News, Bad News.

Deb's Good News, Bad News: the 100 Pound Edition

Good News: Deb has lost 100 pounds since her last birthday.

Bad News: She didn't know she would be doing this on her birthday in 2010, so she cannot remember what her last birthday cake tasted like.

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Good News: Deb can now feel her collarbones without pressing too hard.

Bad News: When Deb asks someone else to feel her collarbones, he or she scuttles away like a nervous crab and makes references to finding a mental health professional.

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Good News: Deb's ring size has gone from a snug 9 to a loose 7.

Bad News: Much of Deb's ring collection is still size 9.  Apparently they didn't get the memo.

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Good News: Deb is much more active and has energy to accomplish much more in the day.

Bad News: Deb now does housework.  (I realize this might seem like good news, but I'm not there yet.)

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Good News: Deb sweats much less than she used to.

Bad News: For the first time in a decade, Deb is uncomfortably cold.

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Good News: Deb has gone down about 7 dress sizes.

Bad News: Deb can no longer even pretend that any of her old clothes fit.

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Good News: Deb now gets enough protein and water every day.

Bad News: Deb does this by putting liquid protein and water in a 1-gallon mug and carrying it with her all day, earning her the appellation of "Cup Lady" from students and some co-workers.

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Good News: Deb can now fly on a plane with confidence that she will not have any issues with seat size.

Bad News: Deb can't afford to fly anywhere.



Joanna said...

Cup lady? If it's not one thing, it's another. How about 'gorgeous brilliant lady'? That one fits!

Kristina P. said...

I think somebody needs a What Not to Wear weightloss makeover!

Boy Mom said...

That is so wonderfully awesome. Way to go! I'd be happy to come feel your collarbones if I lived a little closer.

I love those new stretchy rings that fit any size. Maybe you could sell the size 9 rings and have money for a plane ticket.

Deb said...

I am dying for a makeover! I want the full thing, though: surgery, new teeth, shin extensions, wardrobe, etc. If only I'd had the foresight to have octuplets...

Barbaloot said...

Oh my gosh---I want so badly to see you on What Not to Wear. Clinton and Stacy would love you:)