Confession: I Really Like It

"So," the person will say, after our conversation has exhausted other small talk, "how are your kids doing? How old is the little one?"

"He's two," I answer, as the other person rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Don't worry," they say.  "It will get better.  Is he sleeping through the night?"

"Sort of," I hedge.  "He still gets up and comes to me, but not until 4:00 or so."

"He'll be sleeping on his own soon," they assure me.  "It will be great to get a good night's sleep again, right?"

"Right," I laugh, nodding along.

Confession: I don't want Dexy to sleep in his own bed all night long.  Not yet.

You see, both of our kids were co-sleepers at first.  Princess was an accident; I wasn't planning on a C-section, and Sven's brother passed away the day we brought her home from the hospital, so I had to have her in the bed with me.  We cuddled with her in the bed for about four months, then spent the next six trying to get her to sleep in her own bed.

With Dexy, I talked to Sven about sleeping plans, how I would nurse in his room, maybe set up a little cot or a comfy chair so I could nap in there, and he said, "I just thought he'd sleep with us the way Princess did."  Okay, so he did.

Believe me, those first few months were rough.  When Dexy was tiny, and Princess still didn't want to sleep in her bed, and we all shared the big king-size in our bedroom and I had to literally get out of the bed if I wanted to shift position...well, that wasn't fun.  Fortunately, most of those days are over; Princess has her big-girl bed and Dexy sleeps in his bed for most of the night.

I said "most" of those days are over.  Even though he is a Big Boy with his own Big Boy Bed, at 3:30 or 4:00 a.m. Dexy wants his Mama.

One of the sweetest parts of my day is when Dexy walks into our room and comes to the side of my bed.  "Mama," he whispers, patting my face.  "Mama, want seep."  I pull him into bed with me and we cuddle under the covers.  He goes back to sleep immediately, completely at peace.  Two or three hours later, when he wakes up, his big blue eyes will look into mine and he will smile with complete joy.  "Good morning, Mommy!"

So, I suppose it will be a good thing when Dexy sleeps in his own bed all night.  I understand that.  I'm just not looking forward to it as much as everyone seems to think I should.  Still, I promise I'll let it happen as it happens.  I won't hang out in the hallway, coughing loudly, just in case he happens to be awake.  That was just pathetic.

I've said too much.