(My last entry was my real resolutions for this year. Here are my awesome resolutions for 2010, inspired by the trending topic of the same name on Twitter (I am @Kaydeb).)
I resolve that this year I will use the word "hump" more often.
I resolve that this year I will throw a glass of water in someone's face and say, "How dare you?"
I resolve that this year I will master a roundhouse kick, making my "Road House" reenactments more realistic.
I resolve that this year I will convince at least one new acquaintance that I am British.
I resolve that I will be horribly embarrassing to my children this year by belting out '80's power anthems at little or no provocation.
I resolve that I will say, "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," at least twice a day.
I resolve that I will squint knowingly and nod when I don't know the answer.
I resolve that my prank phone calls will take up less of my leisure time.
I resolve to re-establish my amateur Goth status.
I resolve to assign different military rank to various body parts and promote the ones who please me. The ones who do not will receive demotions and emotional exclusion. Colonel Finger is pleased. Private Pinky Toe is in despair. That is as it should be.
I resolve to patronize more restaurants in which it is required to eat with one's hands. It's good for the skin.
I resolve to learn to play a musical instrument that does not, currently, exist.
I resolve to nickname someone close to me "Chachi."
It's going to be a great year.
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