Monday, December 14, 2009

Holiday Gift Guide

It's that time again, when I have to buckle down and make the most important decision I make twice a year: what to get Sven for Christmas.

He is impossible to shop for.  He doesn't care for gadgets, so I'm out there.  If he does find a gadget he likes, it becomes welded to him for at least a decade (thank you iPod touch!).  He hates it when I (or anyone else, for that matter) buy him clothes.  He has hobbies: he fishes, and then cooks what he catches.  But I can only give him so many bags of wood chips, and I hate to give a gift card.

So, here it is: Deb's Gift Guide for the Dude You Can't Shop For.  Here is a comprehensive (not at all) list (in the sense there is more than one item) of terrific (if we're being very loose with the language) ideas (things I am clinging to as my last hope) for last-minute (less than two weeks left) gifts (whew).

1. A ribald t-shirt.  Nothing says "I love you" like a t-shirt emblazoned with a stormtrooper sitting on a toilet.  Thanks to my recent subscription to the "I Love Movies" podcast, I have a code to get 20% off my order at Donkey T's (put "MOVIES" in the coupon code box).  (Warning: ribaldry contained therein.)

2. Specialty food items.  Nothing says "I love you, Grandpa," like a Hickory Farms Sampler.  For the hubs, though, I have to kick it up a notch.  I need to get him something he either needs to wrestle to a draw or set on fire before eating it.  Two words: ostrich meat.  Imagine the conversations he can have!
  
     Sven: So, have you had ostrich?

     Hezekiah: No, can't say that I have.
  
     Sven: It's all right.
  
     Hezekiah: Yeah?
  
     Sven: Yeah.
  
       Silence.

You're welcome.

3. A ridiculous toy that he will admire in the abstract but never actually use and/or give to the children.  I admit this is the route I usually go.  Last year's present, an interactive voice-activated R2D2 robot, has been in a box in our dining room since last January.  (The year before, I gave him a son, which has been somewhat more successful.)  This year, I am frankly out of ideas for useless toys.

     A GPS?  Maybe, but I just don't think there is room in the drawer with the PDA, pocket-sized digital camera, electronic organizer, and, I believe, a slide-rule.

He already has an iPod.

I now share with you the coolest online shopping site ever: I Want One of Those.  This site has grown up toys for every taste and budget level.  It's a British site, but don't despair: most of these gifts are available in the U.S.  It's great for getting ideas.

I've got a few right now...

8 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I had an ostrich burger at Fuddruckers. It was actually delicious.

Deb said...

I like ostrich. I like bison, too, but that's too close to cow to be worthy of a holiday gift. Some nice ostrich for the holidays sounds yummy.

Barbaloot said...

You could get him kangaroo. I ate one of those in Australia and it was tasty. I'm kind of enjoying the British gift site. I need more time to check it out:)

And now I'm off to read your final chapter. Book endings are always bittersweet. It's fun to get to the conclusion, but then I don't get to read it anymore.

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Billy Bob Bambino Bombabious Baby the Third said...

I like thinkgeek.com. But you said he's not into gadgets... Hmm... I still like thinkgeek.com

Boy Mom said...

I once called the candy company that makes Lik-m-aid and asked for the candy sticks you dip in the powder, because that's Adorable Hubbies favorite treat. They obligingly sent me a box full that lasted him until the next August. That was the last year I got him something he really liked. Yep 1996 was a great gift giving year.

This year I'm making a naughty calendar ;0

Joanna said...

Does he like money? I'm sick and desperate.

Deb said...

Everybody likes money.