Quirks II: Sven's Mom

I never had a great relationship with my mother-in-law. I don't mind saying it, it's just a fact of life. But, she had one little "quirk" that never failed to amuse me:

She always completely butchered names and titles, but in a way that made them easily recognizable.

I was thinking about this when I saw this recent SNL sketch: (Note: the commercial may not load, but watch the bottom bar, after 30 seconds you should get the sketch.)

We had certain things we had to translate for others.

In her language:

"Fluton" = futon ("I don't know where you want me to sleep, but I can't sleep on that fluton.")

"Siskel & Eggbert" = Sigfried and Roy ("I don't want to go to a magic show. I went to Las Vegas and saw Siskel and Eggbert and they put on the best show you ever saw.")

Celebrity names were a trial. Usually she wouldn't even attempt them. She'd say things like "That pretty blond actress" (Jessica Lange, or perhaps Reese Witherspoon. Who knows?). But our friends' names were also a problem, and she was much more descriptive there.

"You know that friend of yours? Who I thought was a woman? You know? Because his hair is so long? And I didn't notice the beard right away? You'd think he could cut his hair so people wouldn't be embarrassed when they didn't notice he was a man right away." Sven, tears streaming down his face, would repeat his friend's name every time she took a breath, but it did no good. Our good friend would forever be the one she thought was a woman at first, and she made sure to tell him every time she saw him. ("You know, I thought you were a woman. Because your hair's so long.")

She had dozens of home-dubbed videotapes of movies. Some of the titles were entertaining:

"The Truth About the Dogs and the Cats"

"How's the Air Up There?"

Others were just incomprehensible:

"Dead Man Walking Tall." I never knew if that one was "Dead Man Walking," or "Walking Tall," or perhaps "A Walk In the Clouds." It could have been anything. That was part of the fun of watching movies at Sven's house when we begain dating.

Sven: What would you like to watch? "Bridges of the Fall" or "Dangerous Learning?"

Deb: Let's be romantic.

Sven: {sitting down} I wonder if it will be "Bridges of Madison County" or "Legends of the Fall?"

Deb: Either one is fine.

It was "Grumpier Old Men." Huh.