Here are the nominees:
Best Performance by an Animal, Domestic:
- My cat pooping on the carpet in the dining room
- My cat vomiting on the carpet in the living room
- My cat pooping on the carpet in the living room
- That dog on YouTube who can skateboard
- The lizard on my back door, for freezing in one position, enticing my three year-old daughter to take a closer look, before leaping on her head.
- The extraordinarily well-endowed lion at our last trip to the zoo, for napping in such a position.
- The inappropriately fat goat at the same zoo, for charging Sven Jr. (Okay, he wasn't "charging" so much as "looking at," but it was very traumatic.)
- The Dramatic Chipmunk
Most Perplexing Lack of DVD:
- Muppet Babies. Why is this cartoon not available on DVD? Why am I the only one who seems to care?
- The last season of Fraggle Rock. I am not a Fraggle Rock fan per se, but I understand they released all of the seasons individually, then only released the final season in a "complete series" DVD. Shocking.
- The Robot Chicken Star Wars/Star Wars Part II/Family Guy Blue Harvest/Hardware Wars collection, with bonus footage featuring Weird Al videos. Okay, that's just me. I accept your disdain.
- The episode of CSI where Hannah Montana gets shot and they do the autopsy. Don't tell me this episode doesn't exist...I need it.
Best Explanation of 10-15 Pound Holiday Weight Gain:
- These clothes keep shrinking! Stop washing in hot water! (Deb)
- This medicine must be making you gain weight. (Sven, bless him)
- I guess I've just been too tired to exercise. (Deb, lounging in bed with a box of chocolates)
- I saw on the news that there's this new disease, where you just get fatter after Christmas. Really. (Not really)
Cutest Thing Ever:
- Deb Jr., belting out "Tomorrow" from the backseat. (Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, it's tomorrow, you feel like a Crabby Patty...)
- Sven Jr., singing "Old MacDonald". (Yi-yi-yo, yo-yo-yi, yi-yi-yi-yo, moo)
- Deb Jr., calling me "mudder."
- Sven Jr., giggling madly at my removal of his socks.
Best Waste of Time:
Yes, I think this awards show has potential. However, it seems to have limited appeal... I know!
Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role:
- Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- Leonardo DiCaprio, Revolutionary Road
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role:
- Angelina Jolie, The Changeling
- Angelina Jolie, Kung Fu Panda
I'm sure they'll show up... The awards ceremony will be at my house this Saturday at 5:00 (have to get the kids to bed!) and formal attire is requested.
Please park around the corner, the neighbor's RV is blocking traffic to our house. However, I can almost promise: No paparazzi. Any paparazzi who show up are on cat-poop duty.