Deb's Top 10

The Top 10 Reasons It's A Good Thing School Is Starting Again:

10. New TV Shows: Now, we get to see all of the shows about which we will be saying, "Can you believe they tried to make a show out of that?" next year.

9. Returning TV Shows: We get to catch up with our returning favorites, like Project Runway, Lost, Law & Order: SVU, Top Chef...that's all I can think of. How is it I watch so much television but follow so few shows? (Answer: reruns of GOOD television.)

8. The Holidays: You may think it's too early to get into the "Holiday Spirit," but you would be wrong. I had my first anxiety dream about Thanksgiving last night. And, for your information, there are only 130 shopping days until Christmas! My feet are starting to sweat...

7. Awareness: Since school is starting again, I will be watching the news every day. I do not follow the news during the summer, save occasionally watching The Daily Show, the Colbert Report, and The Soup. I'm not completely irresponsible. However, it occurred to Sven and I the other night that we had no idea whether or not the storm we were watching head for our house was dangerous or not, and I knew our time of blissful ignorance was coming to an end.

6. I Can't Sleep Anyway: Fall, along with spring and winter, is my "allergy time." I have "seasonal allergies," which often mutate into "crippling sinus infections" and/or "pneumonia." Summer is the only time of year that is relatively allergy-free for me. My dripping nose and itchy eyes tell me it's time for school...and I'm up at 5:50 writing a blog post.

5. New Friends: Each fall brings in a crop of new teachers, which means new opportunities to make awkward conversation in an attempt to find someone with whom I get along. As a documented introvert, meeting new people is difficult for me. By the end of the year, though, I have almost always made new friends, just in time for them to leave and go to a new school.

4. Old Friends: Fortunately, my "team" is intact this year. (My team consists of music, art, P.E., and computer class.) We aren't getting any new people on our team! And I like everyone we had last year! A lot! Yay, Deb! (And, Art Teacher Lindsey, you need to get better very soon.)

3. Optimism: There is something about the start of the year that makes me forget the cynicism and despair which is my usual oeuvre. I see the kids who were awful last year and think, "They could have a really good year this year!" I have all kinds of ideas for innovative new lessons. I have a new schedule. Things are looking good, baby.

2. Gratuitous use of "baby" in general conversation.

1. Back Into the Social Scene: Dexy and Princess can come into their own as the social butterflies they are becoming. Princess, of course, has Tyler, her mustachioed, burly, cologne-scented toddler boyfriend. Dexy has become the social leader of the Toddler Room, due to his skills in a completely unknown (to me) arena:

That boy can dance.

Every day when I pick him up, he is standing in the center of a circle of his awed classmates, shaking what I gave him. He jumps, he spins, he cocks a sassy eyebrow. He sees me at the window, waves, and keeps dancing until the surrounding circle notices me and crowds around to drool on my feet.

It's going to be a great year.

What Is Your Good Name Worth?

Recently, I was reading through the online news, and a story caught my eye.

Woody Allen is suing American Apparel for $10 million, saying they used his image in advertising without his permission. Mr. Allen, who does not do any sort of product endorsement in the U.S., claims that the unauthorized use of his image damaged his "good name."

American Apparel has decided to fight the suit, using some very interesting, even novel arguments:

1. The billboards were up and down in less than a week in only a couple of locations (New York and L.A.) so $10 million is excessive, and...

2. It is impossible for anything American Apparel did cause Mr. Allen's name/character to be defamed, because Mr. Allen defamed his own name/character so much that further defamation is simply impossible.

My first thought: Huh?

Remember back in the early '90's, when Woody Allen cheated on his long-time girlfriend/mother of his child Mia Farrow with Ms. Farrow's adopted daughter, Soon Yi Previn? Who was still in her teens at the time?

Then, remember the custody fight over Farrow and Allen's child? When Farrow accused Allen of molesting the kids? And Allen denied it, but the judge granted Farrow full custody? Then Allen married Soon Yi?

That's what American Apparel is referring to: they're saying Allen's reputation has been worthless since that time, so nothing anyone could do could diminish it any further.

To bolster this argument, American Apparel has subpoenaed tons of documents from the Allen/Farrow custody battle and plans to call witnesses to discuss the early relationship between Previn and Allen.

My second reaction: clever, but sleazy.

If repeated viewings of legal shows (Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU, The Practice, Law & Order: Traffic Court, Boston Legal, Law & Order: Mobile K-9 DARE Unit, The Soup) have taught me anything, it is this: clever and smarmy never win. I think American Apparel has overplayed its hand here.

I think Woody Allen is a talented filmmaker whose personal life certainly would have trouble being judged under scrutiny. I think Allen ought to fight it this way: they didn't use an image of him from his personal life, they used an image of him from the movie Annie Hall, in which he was dressed as a Rabbi. While his personal reputation may indeed be quite low with many of us, his professional reputation is still strong and respected, and by using an image of him from his films, they were obviously banking on his professional reputation, not his personal one. But I'm not a lawyer, so what do I know?

This American Apparel thing also scares me because of possible precedent:

Deb: Your honor, while I enjoy the chocolate, cream-filled goodness of Mostest's Hoo-Ha's, I clearly didn't give the company permission to put my picture on the box with the caption "Mrs. Hoo-Ha." I feel this disparages my character and intelligence.

Smarmy Attorney: Your honor, I have here photographic evidence that this woman, on several occasions, dressed as a duck and threw candy at children. Voluntarily. How could anything we do make her appear any more stupid than she already did?

Judge: Really? A duck?

Deb: (whispering) It was a gander.

Judge: Case dismissed.

So we need to keep this in mind. Who knows where this could lead? Imagine the world if just anyone could use anyone's name or image for free to promote anything? We might have Ryan Seacrest on the bottle of Gold Bond Medicated Powder, or Paris Hilton on the boxes of various hygiene/contraceptive products.

Or some bad ones might happen, too.