Inside My Head: Glee

Mr. Scheuster: Okay, kids, listen up. Today we have a special guest artist. I had a crush on her our senior year of high school, but she never gave me the time of day.

Puck: Bitter much?

Finn: Come on, you guys, we have to work together to make Glee a part of our lives and my girlfriend Quinn is pregnant!

Rachel: Oh, Finn...I love you.

Mr. Scheuster: Quiet, guys. This is serious. Our guest artist this week is here to teach you what Glee is really about. Please welcome Deb.

Deb: Whaddup.

Kurt: What can she teach us? She's a natural brunette.

Deb: Shut your pie-hole, you.

Kurt: Yes, Ma'am.

Sue: I think I love you.

Deb: (to Sue) You too, Windbreaker. (to the kids) Glee isn't about lip-syncing to awesomely crafted arrangements of utterly inappropriate material. Glee is about finding your inner Broadway star.

Quinn: Broadway? Please, so lame.

Deb: No, what's lame is using the word "lame" when no one has ever seen you wear anything other than a cheerleading outfit. (to Mr. Scheuster:) Your wife isn't really pregnant. There, I've said it. Go marry the counselor, please, so we can get on with rehearsal.

Mr. Scheuster: Okie dokie. (exits)

Deb: Now let's get down to it. This is real Glee club, everyone: hats and canes, get in formation for "One" from A Chorus Line.

Kurt: Yes!

Deb: Another word out of you, and we're doing Cats next.

Kurt: (silent but adoring)

Fin.