Read this.

This is seriously hilarious.

http://elizabethbanksblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/funniest-thing-ive-read-in-eternity.html

Recipe: Double Pumpkin Bread

I generally don't post recipes, being domestically challenged, but there are a couple of things I make really well.  My pumpkin bread is one of the few things I feel I can really call "mine;" this is really my recipe.  I got the basic recipe from our ward Relief Society cookbook, but experimented until I came up with this one.  It is very rich and cake-like, with less fat than traditional pumpkin bread.

Preheat oven to 350 (for muffins) or 325 (for bread).

Sift together:
3 cups white flour (or 2 cups whole wheat flour and 1 cup white flour)
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. ground cloves
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
(1 tsp. ginger, 1 tsp. dried orange peel, optional but recommended particularly for whole wheat recipe)
3 cups sugar

Add:
2 15-oz cans pumpkin (3 & 3/4 cups canned pumpkin)
1/4 cup vegetable oil
3 whole eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Mix well until completely blended.  Pour into muffin cups or loaf pans; fill about 1/2-2/3 to the top.  I use Pam Baking spray, or grease and flour pans.  (For muffins, I actually prefer not to use the little paper muffin cups, because it won't form that nice crisp crust.)  Bake, cool, and eat.

Trust me.  It is awesome.  Happy baking.

Strange Dichotomy

As long time and faithful readers of my blog know (all seven of you), I am both a frequent traveller and an abysmal housekeeper.

Would it surprise you to know that, when we travel, I am meticulous about keeping things neat and tidy?

It surprises me.  Hotels are where you are supposed to "let loose," flush inappropriate things down the toilet, roast goats in the trash can, etc.  Not me.  Sitting here now, in my luxurious king-sized room at the Radisson Hotel in Branson, MO, I can see the following:

1. All of the children's toys are neatly stowed in their respective toy bags.

2. All of the clean clothing is still neatly folded inside the suitcases and/or chest of drawers.

3. All of the dirty clothing is in the collapsible laundry basket that I brought with me from home.  That's right.  I brought a laundry basket on vacation.

The bathroom floor is dry.  The toothbrushes are lined up neatly on the counter by the sink.  The garbage is stowed in a bag, ready for the housekeeper to take away.  The massive balloon spider acquired today by Princess is keeping a solitary watch from the neat-as-a-pin desk.  In short, the room is orderly, organized, and utterly alien.

Not only that, but my car is clean.  I just went down five floors to the car, where I took a giant ziploc bag and emptied the day's smoothie cups and candy wrappers and discarded them.  Ordinarily, I clean my car when the trash level reaches the window and obstructs my view.

What is wrong with me?  Why can't I trash hotel rooms and clean up my own house?  It's a moral failing, I guess.  Perhaps I should hire a cleaning person.  If I knew someone was coming to my house to clean it, I'd be so mortified that they would see it dirty that I'd get it clean.

Crazy.

Comments

Reading comments on news stories posted online is almost always a mistake.  To spare all of my readers the agony of actually doing this, I am going to simulate a news story and the comments that follow.  (The following news story and comments that follow are simulated.)

NEW YORK: Lady Gaga arrived for a meeting at the United Nations today wearing nothing but two strategically placed live squirrels.  Fifteen minutes later, in what she called a "shocking coincidence," Christina Aguilera entered the United Airlines terminal at LaGuardia Airport wearing fourteen drugged hamsters.  Animal rights groups have called for a boycott of both artists in the name of decency to all animals.  When contacted for a comment, Madonna gently pointed out in a semi-British accent that she has been wearing rodents on various parts of her person since 1987.  Lady Gaga has since apologized for the incident, which she calls a "misstep," and promises that, with help from her fans, she will get through this.  Christina Aguilera has repeatedly contacted us to give a response, but, frankly, we didn't want to call her back.

Feel free to leave a comment!  (Comments that are offensive to Shirley, our receptionist, will be deleted, but since she leaves at 3:00 on Fridays, it might take a while.)

Alice_Cullen_Is_Me says:   First!!!!

RonaldMcD says: lady gaga u rok i luv u

Helen1934 says: In my day, these women would have been shot and stuffed to teach other young girls a lesson.  This country is headed for disaster.  Obama wasn't even born here.

TwiHard73 says: First!!!

MickeyMousePants says: @Helen1934: Please stop spreading such ignorance. Obama was born in the US, he is our president, get over it.

RushIsRight says: Yet another example of how the liberal culture of this country is destroying the moral fiber of our families.  You didn't see this kind of stuff when Bush was president.

LadyHaHa says: I love Lady Gaga, but she shouldn't of done that.  That was straight up nasty.

Helen1934 says: This is America.  I have freedom of speech.  I can say that Obama was born on the moon in a secret communist cave if I want.  Liberals always talk about freedom of speech unless you say something they disagree with.  Hypocrites.

Tool_Fan says: What does Obama have to do with ths at all?  Christina Aguilera is pathetic.

RushIsRight says: Lady Gaga is a weapon the Obama administration has unleashed upon all of us to turn our children in to hedonistic secular liberals.

MickeyMousePants says: @Helen1934: Of course you have freedom of speech.  It doesn't mean what you are saying is true, and I am free to point that out.  How is that hypocritical?  @RushIsRight: I'm pretty sure Lady Gaga isn't working for the government.

MrsEdwardCullen says: LADY GAGA I LOVE YOU I WANT TO MEET YOU I MET A NEW MAN IN JUST THIRTY MINUTES WHEN I TRIED THIS AMAZING WEBSITE WHERE ALL OF THE BEST BALD OR BALDING LADIES CAN MEET THE MAN OF THEIR DREAMS

DimitriIsMyName says: How would you even wear a hamster?

StephenieMeyerFan23 says: First!!!!

ShaBoom says: Who cares about this?  Why do newspapers even cover celebrities like this?  There is real news in the world, and anyone who cares about junk like this is part of the problem.

Perezey2101 says: So why are you reading it and commenting on it, @ShaBoom?

Helen1934 says: Hypocrite!

RushIsRight says: Seriously, either get in the debate or get out.

NOBAMA says: Sarah Palin 2012!!!

Technology and the Fast Pace and Loud Volume of Living

When I was a kid, a very little kid, I remember silence.

Momz was a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom).  This was the late 1970's, when such arrangements were a little more common.  We had two TV's, in those days: a luxurious, 19-inch color TV with a state-of-the-art antenna in the living room, and a 13-inch portable black-and-white with rabbit ears in my parents' room.  In  that far-off time, there were no remote controls: the television set had two dials that had to be changed by someone getting up, walking to the TV, changing the channel, adjusting the antenna, stepping back, frowning thoughtfully, adjusting the antenna again, being told to stop, adjusting the antenna again, then returning to the couch with an expression of remorse and anger.  This process would be repeated until we found something "on."  Commercials, in those days, were something we endured patiently.  No one "surfed" channels back then.  If we had even had the concept, we wouldn't have called it "surfing."  "Channel trudging," maybe, or "channel snow-shoeing," but not something as fluid and sporty as surfing.

In those golden times, we watched a little TV in the morning, then turned off the television.  Sometimes, we would listen to the record player (you heard me).  The Carpenters were a favorite, as was the Sound of Music soundtrack.  Neil Diamond was something to be saved until we were older and emotionally mature enough to handle the powerhouse that is Neil, but John Denver was deemed an acceptable, though daring, replacement.

Regardless of our activities, every day at noon, the music was silenced, the TV's were off, and we had "quiet time" for about 2 hours.  My sister and I were allowed to play quietly, or read, but we had to stay in our room and be quiet for two hours.

And we did it.  Almost every day, in fact.

What happened?  My kids do okay, but two hours of near silence in the middle of the day?  No, that's not happening, and it's not them, it's me.

I've always got something to do, it seems.  I've got dishes to wash, or laundry to fold, or a floor to vacuum.  I've got friends to chat with on Facebook, or an e-mail to reply to, or a voice mail to act upon.  If I've got a story to write or a book to read, I always think it can wait until later, but later never comes.  I have at least 4 DVD's that I haven't even taken out of the wrapper, two of which are over 2 years old.  I've got books I've never read.

This technology that we have, that can be such a blessing, has made things so complicated, I'm not even sure it's worth it anymore.  Imagine a time when, if you were unreachable, you were truly unreachable.  When some SAHM's didn't even have a car because it was okay to just stay at home all day and keep your house clean and spend time with your kids.  When you eagerly awaited seeing a movie in the theater because that was the only place you could see movies.  When there were times when there was nothing on TV.

I'm all for progress, and I love technology.  I just wish our ability to manage our time had grown as fast.

Colorado Springs, The Final Chapter

We did more on this vacation than I ever remember doing on a vacation before, mostly because we spent so much money getting and staying there, we wanted to have so many good memories that we couldn't walk at the end of the day.

(To my Utah friends: I did look up how long it would take me to get from Colorado Springs to Salt Lake, and it told me 9 hours.  I told Sven, "How about you take the kids for a day while I go meet some friends for lunch?"  Being a typical "detail-oriented" fellow, he dragged the rest of the information out of me and ascertained that I would be on the road for 18 hours for this event.  The kibosh was then applied.  I'm working on an actual trip to Utah for next year, though.)

Day 3 of our trip opened with the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo.  This zoo is tucked into the side of a mountain and is not funded with taxpayer money.  I was not expecting much, but I was totally blown away.

When we got to the zoo to buy our tickets, some deer wandered out of the woods and into the zoo, then some came back out.  We saw one perched in a decorative shrubbery just inside the gate, gnawing on leaves and viewing us with a jaundiced eye.

Giraffes!  This zoo has one of the largest giraffe herds in captivity, has bred more than 150 giraffes for zoos all over the country, and has a special pen where you can pet and feed them.  That's my hand.

Princess and Dexy loved feeding the giraffes.  I had to stop taking pictures because Dexy was trying to jump in to the pen with them, which, besides being a fall of about 20 feet, would have put him in a pen with over a dozen giraffes who, frankly, were somewhat hostile if you didn't have a special "Giraffe Cracker" (3/$1).

In one of the stupider things I have ever done, when I purchased zoo tickets, I asked for tickets to the Mountaineer Sky ride, which takes you up the side of a mountain in what was described as a "cable car."  I was picturing one of those enclosed cars, like you see at amusement parks.  What we got was a ski lift, with no seat belts or safety equipment.  Sven said, "No, that's not it, it can't be it," but it was, and we rode it up the side of the mountain.  We were terrified.  By "we," I mean Sven and me.  The kids loved it.  Dexy immediately scooted all the way up so he could look over the bar, which prompted me to clutch him to my side so tightly he said he couldn't breathe.  We got to the top safely and planned to make our home on that part of the mountain, but since our stroller and things were at the bottom, we rode back down and vowed to never speak of it again.  This is the one picture Sven got before he began to get too scared to let go of Princess.  ("Daddy, you're choking my tummy.  Stop it.")

We got a new camera, and this picture shows how awesome it is: you can clearly see that we were watching "The Land Before Time 17: Little Foot's Digestive Trauma."

After the zoo, we went to Garden of the Gods again, but you've seen pictures of that.

Our last stop in Colorado was Miramont Castle, in Manitou Springs.  I am so writing a book about this house.

Creepy.

With that, it was time to go home.

It was a great trip.  Tune in next month for Branson 2010.

Why can't everyone be exactly like I want them to be all the time?

I just got home from seeing Eclipse, the third movie in what is now officially called the Twilight Saga.  As expected, the movie was completely awesome, but that is not the point of this entry.

I rarely go to movies.  Before we had children, Sven and I went to the movies fairly often, as it was a somewhat inexpensive form of entertainment, and we both liked movies.  However, as time passed, I became more aware of the rude behavior of others, and it got to the point where I dreaded going to the movies.  Here are two examples:

1. Once, during a highly anticipated sequel, I sat in front of a young woman who had talked her friend into coming with her.  The friend had not seen the first movie.  Throughout the entire thing, the young woman whispered things to her friend like, "Okay, the reason that is important is, in the first movie, she got her arm cut off?  Right?  And now she doesn't have an arm?  So that's important."

2. Another time, during one of the Star Wars prequels, a man sitting behind me was talking on his phone at conversational level.  I turned around and looked at him, smiled, and turned back to the front.  He called me a b-word.

By the time I got pregnant with Princess, I was grateful to have the excuse that I couldn't really sit through a 2-hour movie without getting up for various reasons.  I even missed the highly anticipated movie version of Rent, but Sven bought it for me on DVD soon after Princess' birth.  Of course, you can't take a baby to a movie theater, so then I had even more of an excuse not to go.  If Sven had some action-filled comic book adaptation he wanted to see, he could go with his friend, Hezekiah.  Not me.  Even when Princess was old enough to go to the movies, I had to stay home with the new baby.

Then there was Twilight.  After years of self-imposed exile, I went online and bought a ticket for Twilight.  I went by myself.  (A side note: I love going to movies by myself.  Sven thinks it is sad and weird.)  A year later, New Moon.  Last week, Sven and I took both kids to Toy Story 3.  Earlier today, I took Momz and the kids to Toy Story 3 (yes, again, it was awesome).  And then, tonight, Eclipse.  Here is what I have learned:

KIDS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.  ADULTS ARE.

The first time we saw Toy Story 3, it was in a completely packed theater, first show of the day (around 11:30), full of kids of all ages.  It was silent, except for totally appropriate laughter.  Today, we saw it again, and there was a very noisy ADULT who kept commenting.  (Several children shushed him.)  Tonight, at Eclipse, there were THREE BABIES who were FUSSING throughout, but since it was the 9:00 PM show, I blame the IDIOTIC ADULTS who thought it was appropriate to BRING A BABY to a PG-13 movie at 9:00 PM.  In addition, there was a very drunk and loud man who was extremely vocal about his devotion to Team Edward.  ("Suck it, Jacob!" was shouted more than once.)

In short, though kids at movies get a bad rap, I'll go to a family movie with a theater full of kids any day.

And save the rest for Blu-Ray.

2010 Vacay: Colorado Springs, CO, Day 2

For the second day of our vacation, I planned on spending a day in historic Cripple Creek, home of folk songs and gold mines.  To my dismay, it has now become the home of casinos and casinos, so we just rode the train before heading back to Colorado Springs.

Since we crossed a time zone in our travels, we were chronically early throughout our stay.  We arrived in Cripple Creek at about 9:00, only to discover that nothing opened until 10:00.  Here is Princess posing with a bronze statue of someone as we killed time until the train left.

Dexy wanted to get on the train and go.  He did not understand why we didn't just go!  Just go!  Just get on the train and go!  It was a long hour.

Finally on the train, Dexy discovered, delightedly, that they blew the train whistle all. the. time., which meant he got to make this face and say, "What was that, Mama?" about 87 times.

Princess, less enamored of trains than her brother, was just silly.

That evening, we went to Seven Falls.  To get to this observation platform, we rode up an elevator through a mountain and came about about 100 yards from the falls.

To get to the top of the falls themselves, you have to climb 224 stairs.  I figured, no, we'll just stay on this nice, safe platform and look at it from a distance.

The chipmunks at Seven Falls (throughout the Colorado Springs area, as a matter of fact) are quite brazen and somewhat suspect in their political thinking.  I'm positive this one was wearing a Mao jacket before he knew I was there, but he took it off quickly and adopted an innocent, stereotypical pose.

We were lucky; that night at Seven Falls, there was a demonstration of Native American dance.  At the end, Princess was asked to come up with the other children in the audience (but she was the youngest one who got up, due to her belief that she is welcome to perform at any time on any stage).

Princess with one of the Native American dancers.  Those things hanging on her dress jingled.

This lady was an expert dancer and drummer and singer.  She was awesome.  I'm reasonably sure that is a different tipi from the Cliff Dwellers site, but I can't guarantee it.

Sven and Dexy coming down the enormous staircase to the top of the falls.  They made it about 2/3 of the way up, Dexy walking by himself, until Sven said, "Look at how high up we are!"  Dexy then looked down, held up his arms, and said, "I want Mommy."

Princess, on the other hand, made it all the way to the top of the falls.

Princess then took this picture of Sven.  After this, she dropped the camera.  Days 3 & 4 will be presented with pictures from our new camera.