Get Lost!

I am a Lost-phile.

• Lost-phile, n. One who watches the television show Lost and obsesses over the meaning of each frame, hoping to unlock the secrets of the show, but also knows that successfully guessing would ruin everything, so secretly hopes that he/she doesn't actually know anything. (Source: Sir Mix-A-Lot's Guide To Future Irrelevance)

If you're not a Lostie, never fear. I won't bore you with a recap of anything. I just thought I'd take some space and explain what I find so fascinating about the show.

Although, since the season 5 finale (which aired last night) concluded with the words "Lost: 2010," should you want to catch up and get on board for the final season, you've got a chance now.

Things I love about Lost:

1. Impossible to Follow Plotlines: Nothing ruins a drama faster than predictability. The challenge in a show like Lost, though, is answering one question while asking five new ones, all without making the audience hurl a brick through the TV. The X-Files managed to do this for a while, until Scully became exposed to some alien form of Lifetime: Television for Women and began suffering from cancer, spontaneous pregnancy, acne, vertigo, Epstein-Barr, and cheerleader murders. Lost is still doing it, and it is awesome.

2. Delicious Eye Candy -or- Superb Characters, whichever makes me classier: Lost has some truly yummy examples of good acting. The example I'll use is bad boy Sawyer, whom I would have cheerfully dismembered in Season 1, but now would clasp to my bosom and hum gently. It is a credit to writers and actors that this transformation made perfect sense, and my feelings (minus the bosom humming, probably) are shared by many Lost fans.

3. Sven likes it. It is rare indeed when we share the same taste in TV fare. Lost became a Wednesday night ritual in our house, one of the few rituals to survive the birth of our children.

4. References. Lost is a candy store of "Easter egg" references. ("Easter eggs" are small details that are later revealed to be very significant.) For example, the books characters are reading could be clues to the secrets of the island. The books won't be mentioned, or even shown 100% clearly, but we Lost-philes are all over Wikipedia the next day, trying to figure out what Paradise Lost, Star Trek, Star Wars, Stephen King, Faulkner, Egyptian mythology, and Volkswagen mini-vans have to do with each other.

I love this show. I think the smartest thing they did was set and end date seasons in advance, so it will play out like an extended miniseries. We don't know where they're going, but we know the end is in sight.

Who is the man in black? What does Jacob's touch do to those he touches? Is John Locke really dead? Did Ben tell the truth? Was the ship on the horizon the Black Rock? Is that how Richard got to the island, or was he already there? Is the statue of Anubis, or someone more obscure? Did they change history?

2010.

Kerfuffle No. 1

I love the word "kerfuffle." It's fun to say, it's fun to write, and it means something fun to contemplate.

Kerfuffle, basically, is a commotion, a disturbance, or some other form of mild chaos.

My favorite current kerfuffles, in no particular order:

1. Miss California 2009 vs. the Gay Media Elite

The players:

Carrie Prejean, Miss California 2009, pictured below in less complicated times.

Perez Hilton, gossip columnist and member of the Gay Media Elite:

And Donald Trump, celebrity mogul and owner of the Miss USA pageant contestants:

(Boy, looking over those pictures, I'm glad I thought to add captions. Otherwise, you might not be able to tell them apart!)

The kerfuffle in this case began at this year's widely viewed Miss USA pageant. Miss California drew Perez Hilton, one of the "celebrity" judges, as her questioner for the infamous "interview" portion, in which the contestants must prove that they are carbon-based life forms that can blink more than once per minute. Hilton asked Miss California if she felt other states should follow the four states who (at that time) currently allowed same-sex marriage.

Prejean: I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anyone out there but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be between a man and a woman.

Perez Hilton: You dumb -----. That's why I voted against you and you lost, ha ha.

Fox News: No! The Gay Media Elite robbed us of our rightful Miss USA!

Prejean: [becomes a celebrity spokesmodel for traditional marriage]

Gay Media Elite: No! A beauty queen is speaking out against us! That can't be allowed!

Prejean: [appears on several news programs]

Fox News: Yay! A conservative beauty queen who likes traditional marriage!

Prejean: [courageously makes more appearances]

Gay Media Elite: Yay! She posed in naked pictures!

Prejean: No, they were modeling shots. And I was 17. And it was only one picture.

Gay Media Elite: What about these?

Topless Photos: Hello!

Prejean: The wind blew my top off. (she really said this)

Fox News: [facepalm]

Trump: It's my decision whether or not this woman should remain Miss California.

Pageant Folk: Well, she lied on her application about nude/semi-nude photos, she's been ignoring her duties as Miss California to do work for this political organization, we've had to create a title for her runner-up so she can make the appearances instead...

Trump: You had me at nude photos. She stays.

Gay Media Elite: No!

Fox News: Yay?

Prejean: [signs more deals]

Miss California First Runner Up: Hey!

Now that's good kerfuffle.

Social Networking

(Warning: the following blog entry contains technical terms that, if read by someone of a particularly immature mindset, could sound like body functions. Proceed at your own risk.)

Recently, I began to participate in something called "social networking." This is when people like myself join websites like MySpace, Facebook, or Twitter in order to reconnect with old friends and family, or connect with new friends who share a common interest.

If you've followed the media in any way lately, you know that Twitter is all the rage. Celebrities are flocking to this mini-blog site, which has become the trendiest of all social networks.

To participate in Twitter, one produces "tweets," a mini-blog entry of 140 characters or less. One can search Twitter to find friends or celebrities, and "follow" them, so when your home page comes up, all of your fellow Twitterers tweets pop up in their pithy, pungent goodness.

The most exciting thing about Twitter is following celebrities. One of the first celebrities I followed was Wil Wheaton, of Star Trek: The Next Generation fame. I stopped following him when he began dropping f-bombs into his tweets like chocolate chips into a cookie mix, but it was fun while it lasted. Currently, I follow comedians I like, actors, fellow bloggers, and even some random people I don't know who follow me.

I have become so adept at tweeting that, when you Google me, the first thing to come up is my Twitter.

The key to being a successful tweeter is to examine the Twitter Trending topics every day. This is a list of the things most tweeted about at any given time. American Idol, Star Trek, Swine Flu, it's all good tweet fodder. Then, you attempt to compose a witty, 140-character post about that topic.

For example: one day, a trending topic was "Google got shut down." My tweet: "Google Got Shut Down" sounds like a country-western story-song, like "Devil Went Down to Georgia." It earned me the following rave review from a Twitterer I didn't know:

"Ha, ha." You can't fake that kind of acclaim.

If you want to be a really successful tweeter, you incorporate several trending topics in one post, so it will come up on several different searches. For example, let's say the trending topics are Lakers, Swine Flu, Star Trek, and Family Guy. My tweet:

"There should be a Family Guy episode where the guys from Star Trek are playing the Lakers until they all get Swine Flu."

Brilliant? No, it's dreck. But, it will get onto a lot of screens, which will make a lot of people decide to follow me, which will mean...

...nothing. It will mean nothing at all. I love the internet.

Gadgets

I love gadgets. Even as a small child, I loved pushing buttons. I remember being so disappointed that my toy typewriter only had one large button engraved with smaller buttons, so that touching one mashed down the whole thing. Cheap 1970's construction...

I digress. Gadgets make me very happy. This is something I have had some difficulty communicating to Sven, who believes that electronics make me happy. Not so, as he discovered the year he gave me a surround-sound speaker system for Christmas.

Yes, it was as romantic as it looks.

No, I don't love electronics. I love gadgets. Here are my requirements for a great gadget:

1. My gadget must be small enough to be held in the hand and carried in my purse. (My purse is pretty large, so this isn't much of a constraint.)

2. My gadget must have sufficient battery power to function on its own for a day or two.

3. My gadget must do something I never considered necessary until I saw the gadget.

4. The gadget must make one part of my life easier while making another more difficult.

My current favorite gadgets:

My Sony Ericsson phone, with walkman capability, rendered useless by my:

Purple iPod Nano. My iPod Nano has replaced almost every other gadget in my personal media arsenal: obviously, I no longer need my Discman, but I also no longer need my portable DVD player.

These are great gadgets. I don't know how I got along without the ability to receive wrong number calls while driving, or listening to The Ting Tings at a moment's notice.

These gadgets, though, pale in comparison to my new ultimate-item-I'm-coveting-but-will-never-get-until-it-is-obsolete:

The Kindle.

The Kindle is Amazon.com's wireless reader. Past generations of the kindle have been small but were a big enough hit that they could continue to improve upon them and render them obsolete, rewarding those early customers with the opportunity to drop another few hundred dollars on a better wireless reader. This one, the new generation Kindle DX, is the real deal. Look how thin it is!

This bad boy can handle something like 3,500 books, magazines, and/or newspapers. It also has a web browser and links wirelessly to a 3G network, so no need for WiFi or computer interface. You can buy books and download them to the Kindle without any additional hardware. Current bestselling titles average $9.99, older ones are even cheaper. An optional attachment (called the Starbucks Knob) dispenses foamy hot chocolate at the press of a button.

(Okay, I made that last one up. But wouldn't that be cool? And impossible?)

Imagine how wonderful this is for someone like me: I buy a ridiculous amount of books every year. With the Kindle, not only would I save money, I would be saving resources. Buying a Kindle would be my way of saving the earth. I know, it's selfless, but that's just how I'm made.

Sven, insisting on not seeing the forest for the trees, balks at the price of this gadget tailor-made for my lifestyle. I figure, at a paltry $489, it will pay for itself in just a few short decades. But Sven insists that since we're "schoolteachers" who make a relatively low "salary" we should live within our "means" and not spend "ridiculous" amounts of money on things that are "stupid." (You can supply your own air quotes, if you want. It's "fun!")

It's a shame, really. Summer is coming, the ideal time to test out a Kindle. We travel every summer and I'm always "forgetting" essentials like clothing to make room for the books I want to bring with me. Having a Kindle tucked away in my bag would mean I could have literally thousands of books tucked away and ready to access at any time.

So, Amazon.com, if you're reading this blog, I would be willing to accept a complimentary Kindle DX in order to test it and review it on this blog. Literally dozens of people could be influenced by a mere mention here!

Sorry, I meant "dozens." And "literally."

No Day But Today

I went to see Rent last week. Though I love the music, I'd never seen the show on stage. I have the movie, and love it, so I couldn't wait to see the stage show.


They couldn't have been more different. Really!


When I heard that Rent was coming to Houston and would feature two of the original cast members (and movie cast members), and that those cast members would be Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp, the two most important roles in the show, I couldn't wait.

(FLASHBACK)

DEB: Sven, guess what! We're going to see Rent! Adam and Anthony are going to be there-

SVEN: No.

DEB: What?

SVEN: You go, honey. I'll stay here with the kids. I hate that show.

(END FLASHBACK)

So, my first task was to find someone to go with me. For me, that is a challenge. I just don't have that many people I can share Rent with. There's too many inappropriate words and themes for my mom or my church friends, and Sven hates it. Who is left?

(FLASHBACK)

DEB: Hey, Lindsey, the art teacher at my school! You like Broadway shows, right?

LINDSEY: I love them!

DEB: Well, Rent is coming to Houston! And Adam and Anthony will be there! Do you want to go with me?

LINDSEY: Yes, absolutely!

(END FLASHBACK)

So my wonderful friend, Lindsey, agreed to come with me. I should say that this year is the first year I've ever had such great friends to work with.


I found tickets quickly for the Thursday night show. Lindsey and I, exhausted after a week of standardized testing, dressed to the 9's, went to town.

My first shock: Rent onstage is hilarious. It's really funny. As I told Sven, until people start dying of AIDS in the second act, you practically never stop laughing. Sven found that statement funny, for some reason.

My second shock: They really toned down the language for the movie. Lots of F-bombs being dropped.

My third shock: Lindsey had never seen Rent. Not the movie, not the show. She didn't know anything about the background, the plot...nothing. Fortunately, she loved it. What a way to see it for the first time!

Lindsey's shock: We saw a drag queen as we made our way to the ladies' room. Lindsey just spent her Spring Break in New York, and never saw a drag queen. Personally, I think she probably saw plenty, but they were just a lot better than the one we saw in Houston. (Stubble!)


Lindsey was such a good sport, she even came with me to the stage door as I tried to get close enough to Adam or Anthony (but mostly Adam) for an autograph. That didn't happen, but I did get some pictures:







This is Adam Pascal, taken by me holding the camera up over people's heads.

This is Anthony Rapp, taken by Lindsey the same way. You can tell she's an artist, though, from the way she caught the upside-down program in the foreground. Nice.

There's Adam again. This was the closest I got. Lindsey and I had school the next day, so I left with my dignity and my $50 dollar Rent book. I did yell, "Your performances inspired me!" from the adjacent parking lot, but no one looked up. It's hard to be a fan.

So there it is. The first show I've seen in years, and it was wonderful. Now Lindsey, Sherri (our wonderful PE teacher) and I are thinking about getting season tickets together next year so our husbands don't have to be bothered.

I shared this idea with Sven, who looked hurt. "It was just that show," he explained. "I don't mind going to other stuff."

Clearly, to this man, "For better or for worse" meant nothing. I'll probably give him another chance, though...

A Fly On The Wall

CHAIRMAN: Order, come to order, please. This meeting will now come to order.

TABLE AT LARGE: Mumble, rhubarb, rackin, ahem, achoo.

CHAIRMAN: Thank you. As you know, we're here to discuss this "Swine Flu" everyone's been in such an uproar-

PORK MAN: I OBJECT! Who decided to name this "Swine Flu?"

BEEF MAN: (smirking) The guy who caught it from his pig, probably. (Elbows the POULTRY MAN, and they chortle until a glare from the CHAIRMAN silences them.)

CHAIRMAN: Pork Man, your objection is noted. He has a fair point, people. It's transmitting from human to human, now. I mean, my neighbor caught it from a street performer named Stain, but we're not calling it "Stain Flu."

TABLE AT LARGE: Mumbles agreement.

CHAIRMAN: So, we need to come up with a name for this flu that won't offend anyone. Anyone have a suggestion?

SYCOPHANT 1: Why not name it after something lovable and popular, like The Jonas Brothers?

CHAIRMAN: Jo-Flu! I like it!

MICKEY MOUSE: I OBJECT! The Disney corporation will not tolerate its licensed trademark characters used in this way.

JOBROS: Hey, we're sitting right here.

MICKEY MOUSE: Quiet, you. You can't have the name, and that's that. And Miley Cyrus is right out, too.

CHAIRMAN: All right, that's fine. What other names can we give it?

SYCOPHANT 2: The Barbie Flu?

BARBIE: I OBJECT!!

SYCOPHANT 3: The Iron Chef Flu?

IRON CHEF CHAIRMAN: (bites into yellow pepper) I OBJECT!

CHAIRMAN: How does he dub his own voice when he's sitting right here?

SYCOPHANT 4: R2D2 Flu?

GEORGE LUCAS: Why, you-

CHAIRMAN: Wait! You may be on to something. We'll give this flu a combination of numbers and letters in an order so random and arbitrary it won't offend anyone. Gentlemen, break out the nine-sided number die and the 26-sided alphabet die.

(Sound of dice rolling.)

CHAIRMAN: My dear colleagues, I'm pleased to announce that, from this point forward, Swine Flu will now be called "H1N1."

TABLE AT LARGE: Yay!

ALPHABET: I OBJECT!

NUMBER LINE: ME, TOO!

CHAIRMAN: Oy...

Fin.

Exotic Language

My darling adorable gifted talented perfect boy, Dexy, will be 18 months old this month.

He has been "talking" for months, but his random sounds are now resembling actual words more and more. He can say a few things clearly:

"What's that?"

"Mommy"

"Daddy"

"Belly"

"Ball"

"No"

"Please"

"Spongebob"

"Federal bailout" (We watch the news a lot in the morning. He calls Diane Sawyer "Granny.") (Just kidding, Mom.)

He has another list of words, ones I understand but no one else does. In his little baby voice, they sound like exotic locations accessible only by yak-herding Sherpas.

"Tu to!" (Cartoon: it means he wants to watch Pixar shorts on the Macbook.)

"Ga-Ma!" (Grandma, who he adores because she is so firm and strict.) (Ha! Ha!)

"Ju-jo-jo!" (Princess; these syllables vaguely resemble her nickname.)

"Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma!" (Snack.)

"Ooooooh." (I think I have something in my diaper requiring immediate attention.)

"Sah na bo. Deeee!" (I love Beyonce.)

Dexy is growing up. While there are many parts of babyhood I look forward to leaving behind, I love the sound of his little voice, earnestly communicating what he thinks is important. Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, sister, snacks, cartoons, and Beyonce...it sounds like a happy life to me.

Dedication: Leigh

I would like to dedicate today's post to my friend, Leigh. Leigh moved to my town in Texas when we were 10. Not only was she a much-needed female addition to our class at school (in our GATE* class, there were only 6 girls and 1,274 boys), she was a Mormon! I was the only Mormon girl in my grade, so the addition of another girl was an event to be celebrated.

And Leigh was cool. She had a big family with a funny mom & dad, obnoxious brothers, and an enchantingly goofy sister. She said what she thought and didn't care if anyone else thought she was cool. That was the coolest thing about her.

Leigh was a great friend to me for one magical school year. But, in the summer between 5th and 6th grade, Leigh's dad was transferred again, and she left. She spent time in Korea and Chicago.

I saw Leigh when she came to town to visit her grandmother, but that wasn't often. I lost track of Leigh until 2005, when she happened to be in town on Christmas the year I had Princess. Seeing her was magical, she looked absolutely beautiful and that big, friendly smile hadn't changed at all.

Leigh and I now keep in touch via Facebook, and I was thrilled to see that she has started writing a blog. It's called "The Domestic Flunky," and, for those of you who haven't noticed it in my reader, give it a go. She is amazing.

You will thank me.

Deb

*GATE stands for Gifted And Talented Education. Our school was sort of piloting the GATE program for our district.